I stole this from Lesley (and I'd link to her if I had the capability!) I had to think about this far more than it might seem. It's been a great, if not sometimes a bit of a mad, year. I'm looking forward to the rest of the holiday season, it's been a busy year and it's nice to have the time to just sit and reflect.
1. What was your greatest personal accomplishment in 2012?
I feel really good about myself and my life at the end of 2012. I feel happy, I feel healthy, I enjoy my work and I like being me. There are things I want to change, of course, I mean who's ever truly, truly content! But I don't feel unhappy about the fundamental things that make me "me".
2. What’s the best thing your did for your health?
Um, possibly went on holiday a couple of times and had a break.
3. Share one thing that caused a significant change in your life this year.
Moving house, very quickly and somewhat unexpectedly (in that, I was involved in the whole thing of course, but I didn't think that we would do it all so quickly).
4. List a few things that you experienced for the first time at some point over the last twelve months
Long-haul travel with my very nice man. He loved being there, but didn't like getting there.
5. What was the coolest place you visited?
El Sunzal in El Salvador
6. If you could change one thing about the last year what would it be?
I wish that my very nice man hadn't got stressed about stuff - mainly the big D word and his kids (who alternate between being fantastic and complete s**ts!)
7. What is the best meal you ate this year?
Nothing stands out for being a really excellent meal. But I'm going to a friends on Christmas Eve for tamales and expect that to be fab because she's a wonderful cook.
8. Tell us about a new friend you made.
I don't think I've made new friends, but I've got a lot closer to some friends who I'd have previously called "acquaintances". I've had some nice times with friends and long may that continue.
9. What did you hope to accomplish this year that you did not?
I want to be tidier and better organised and I'd like my photos to be in albums (the rest of them, I've done a few) but am generally happy with where I ended up.
10. Share something you learned in 2012.
You can't do things for other people. In that, you can of course help other people and be nice to them. But you can't do things for other people. You can try to help them see and understand things but you can't do it for them.
11. Share an odd and unexpected thing that you experienced this year.
I need to do some more thinking on this one!
12. How do you think 2013 will differ from 2012?
2013 will just continue to get better and better. I'm more content than I've been for a long time and I just want to keep feeling this way. And why wouldn't I?
Sunday 23 December 2012
Tuesday 13 November 2012
Hello from holidays
It's been a mad few weeks and I'm away recovering. Since the end of August, we have:
Proper post on the other side - home soon.
- decided we would like to move in together some time soon;
- had an offer accepted on a house before I'd even considered getting my place ready to go on the market;
- got my place valued, signed up with an estate agent and had the board put up the same day I had four families of friends coming over (some staying) for my birthday;
- got the mortgage approved and got a new bank account;
- got very cross with lots of people and told them if my move hadn't happened before I went went on holiday, it was is airing a fortnight until we got back;
- completed the process and got the keys very quickly after aforementioned cross-ness, such that I had to transfer chunks of money to the solicitor over the weekend before because I couldn't get to a bank and couldn't transfer enough at one go otherwise;
- moved in dribs and drabs, culminating with a van and three men who couldn't get the piano downstairs without reinforcements;
- accepted an offer on my place; and
- come away on holiday to my sort of place, dragging the very nice man with me but being concerned that he might not really enjoy.
Proper post on the other side - home soon.
Monday 22 October 2012
From a crawl to a gallop
Very quickly, how, how, how, does it take WEEKS and WEEKS with nothing happening and then does it all just go mad when buying a house? We got the offer accepted at the end of August and nothing appeared to happen at all, including with me occasionally calling the solicitor to ask where things were. And suddenly, we're completing on Friday. If I was young enough it was definitely be a moment for OMG.
There are boxes, despite me having decided to pay packers (for an extra £200 when so much money has passed through my bank account it's scary), bags for charity, bags for recycling, piles of "stuff" I just don't know what to do with ......
And I've got to leave for work at half 6 tomorrow so I'm going to bed. Will report in when I've got a moment to breathe (oh but keep fingers crossed for the second viewing I have tomorrow when they might just want to buy my house??)
There are boxes, despite me having decided to pay packers (for an extra £200 when so much money has passed through my bank account it's scary), bags for charity, bags for recycling, piles of "stuff" I just don't know what to do with ......
And I've got to leave for work at half 6 tomorrow so I'm going to bed. Will report in when I've got a moment to breathe (oh but keep fingers crossed for the second viewing I have tomorrow when they might just want to buy my house??)
Tuesday 2 October 2012
To cheer myself up
A post to cheer myself up. I've had a dodgy stomach, which is very unusual for me as I'm usually proud of my iron-like insides. I felt a bit rough on Monday but soldiered into work - and the biggest problem of the hour-and-a-half commute is that it's a long way to get back home if you don't feel good. And I didn't feel good. Throwing up in the loo at work is not a glamorous moment! I've done it once or twice when I was younger and more foolish but this was not for alcohol-induced reasons - nor am I pregnant, before yet someone else asks (four to date!!)
The last few weeks have been whirlwind on some fronts - thinking that we've got a house and that we're moving in together really soon and also life has been pretty busy - but not so whirlwind in that solicitors are not moving very quickly and so I've not got any dates to work to. Which means that it will all happy really quickly at some point soon but until then, I'm trying to sort out papers and bin things that I don't need. I'm not very good at that part - see earlier posts - and not having a deadline to work to isn't helping.
But other nice things have happened. We had a weekend in Paris where we were incredibly lucky with the weather. I had a Eurostar voucher as a present which nearly amounted to one ticket so we got hotel and one more ticket and had a nice weekend. We walked lots and were surprised how many tourists there still were around - I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised as London continues to be a nightmare, but it's different when you are the tourist!
Back to the grindstone - some sorting out to do before dinner .......
The last few weeks have been whirlwind on some fronts - thinking that we've got a house and that we're moving in together really soon and also life has been pretty busy - but not so whirlwind in that solicitors are not moving very quickly and so I've not got any dates to work to. Which means that it will all happy really quickly at some point soon but until then, I'm trying to sort out papers and bin things that I don't need. I'm not very good at that part - see earlier posts - and not having a deadline to work to isn't helping.
But other nice things have happened. We had a weekend in Paris where we were incredibly lucky with the weather. I had a Eurostar voucher as a present which nearly amounted to one ticket so we got hotel and one more ticket and had a nice weekend. We walked lots and were surprised how many tourists there still were around - I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised as London continues to be a nightmare, but it's different when you are the tourist!
Back to the grindstone - some sorting out to do before dinner .......
Sunday 9 September 2012
How quickly things can change
It's funny how quickly the world can change. So, I've (nearly) bought a new house, I've put mine on the market and I'm moving in with my very lovely man .... and his 17 yo daughter! Bet you didn't see that coming.
After the week in Cornwall, we went to Mallorca for 5 days. The 17 yo wanted to go away with us (and her boyfriend too). It seemed quite odd although as her mother booked a holiday to take the other two kids away without even telling her it was happening (she read on a siblings FB page) let alone even inviting her, I guess she wanted to feel wanted by her dad. Which was ok as far as it goes but she/they didn't really need us there. I don't lie in the sun, I like being away to see things and also to sit and relax (in the shade!) with a book. We could get a bus to Palma, which is a beautiful city and we strolled around and took lots of photos. But the resort was hideous - the worst of Brits abroad everywhere. I know I'm something of a snob and turn my nose up at the bare-chested men with a large collection of tattoos and I was expecting all that (we took the cheapest break we could because the kids were paying for themselves) but there were drunks falling down in the street in the mid afternoon and there was nowhere to eat that offered Spanish food. We found one bar run by Italians that was right on the beach and whilst the menu wasn't out of the ordinary, they put on specials each night based on what they had in that day. So we got seafood and salads and much more.
Anyway, before we went away, I'd noted that one of my neighbour's houses was for sale. We'd talked a little bit about moving in together after the divorce and to distract me from being annoyed about the ex being difficult at every turn, I thought I'd at least look around to see what there was. I live really near the station to commute to London which is really important because I don't want to add an additional bus or car journey to each end of what's already a long day. And we'd agreed years ago that he wouldn't move into my house because it has been my house for the best part of a decade before we got together so it wouldn't be fair on either of us. Anyhow, by the time we got back from holiday, the house price had been dropped a reasonable way. And when we talked about it, he said "well we could look" ......
How lethal is that! It was perfect. Near to the station, bedrooms for each of the kids (even the one who never visits - there'll be a sofa bed in that room!), open plan downstairs, which is what we wanted ...... So I did the sums and got the bank to agree finance even without selling mine, made an offer and it's mine (subject to the vendor's solicitors pulling their fingers out and doing things). My plans of slowly sorting through things I don't need here have become frantically quicker. Until I get quotes in from movers (why is it impossible to work out how much it costs - even ballpark), I can't work out whether I'm going to do it myself or pay someone else. If it's the former, I've got a lot of work to do just to get rid of things I really don't need and pack what I do have. It's a scary prospect.
On the D-word front, it's ticking away slowly. My lovely man is working away this week. He's sent her the final papers to sign so if she's done so, he can file for decree absolute fairly shortly. So we're keeping quiet about the house (as quiet as one can about a properly that's advertised in the paper). It doesn't mean she loses anything she's entitled to - indeed, in my humble opinion, she's already getting far more than she would be entitled to! - but we don't want to give her an excuse not to do things. She doesn't need any help with that at all.
So welcome to the madness of my world. I'm very much looking forward to it - but am quite scared too. Big steps!!
After the week in Cornwall, we went to Mallorca for 5 days. The 17 yo wanted to go away with us (and her boyfriend too). It seemed quite odd although as her mother booked a holiday to take the other two kids away without even telling her it was happening (she read on a siblings FB page) let alone even inviting her, I guess she wanted to feel wanted by her dad. Which was ok as far as it goes but she/they didn't really need us there. I don't lie in the sun, I like being away to see things and also to sit and relax (in the shade!) with a book. We could get a bus to Palma, which is a beautiful city and we strolled around and took lots of photos. But the resort was hideous - the worst of Brits abroad everywhere. I know I'm something of a snob and turn my nose up at the bare-chested men with a large collection of tattoos and I was expecting all that (we took the cheapest break we could because the kids were paying for themselves) but there were drunks falling down in the street in the mid afternoon and there was nowhere to eat that offered Spanish food. We found one bar run by Italians that was right on the beach and whilst the menu wasn't out of the ordinary, they put on specials each night based on what they had in that day. So we got seafood and salads and much more.
Anyway, before we went away, I'd noted that one of my neighbour's houses was for sale. We'd talked a little bit about moving in together after the divorce and to distract me from being annoyed about the ex being difficult at every turn, I thought I'd at least look around to see what there was. I live really near the station to commute to London which is really important because I don't want to add an additional bus or car journey to each end of what's already a long day. And we'd agreed years ago that he wouldn't move into my house because it has been my house for the best part of a decade before we got together so it wouldn't be fair on either of us. Anyhow, by the time we got back from holiday, the house price had been dropped a reasonable way. And when we talked about it, he said "well we could look" ......
How lethal is that! It was perfect. Near to the station, bedrooms for each of the kids (even the one who never visits - there'll be a sofa bed in that room!), open plan downstairs, which is what we wanted ...... So I did the sums and got the bank to agree finance even without selling mine, made an offer and it's mine (subject to the vendor's solicitors pulling their fingers out and doing things). My plans of slowly sorting through things I don't need here have become frantically quicker. Until I get quotes in from movers (why is it impossible to work out how much it costs - even ballpark), I can't work out whether I'm going to do it myself or pay someone else. If it's the former, I've got a lot of work to do just to get rid of things I really don't need and pack what I do have. It's a scary prospect.
On the D-word front, it's ticking away slowly. My lovely man is working away this week. He's sent her the final papers to sign so if she's done so, he can file for decree absolute fairly shortly. So we're keeping quiet about the house (as quiet as one can about a properly that's advertised in the paper). It doesn't mean she loses anything she's entitled to - indeed, in my humble opinion, she's already getting far more than she would be entitled to! - but we don't want to give her an excuse not to do things. She doesn't need any help with that at all.
So welcome to the madness of my world. I'm very much looking forward to it - but am quite scared too. Big steps!!
Saturday 4 August 2012
Where have I been ......
Where have I been? Literally, I've been to Cornwall last week and to a wedding the week before and when at home, I've not been at home very much. Metaphorically, I've been all over the place. Starting with the positive, my very lovely man has a decree nici. Just a few weeks and a financial order to the decree absolute. Stress on that front has plumeted some way but the ex (who I can finally really call the ex!) still messes him around at every opportunity. And he doesn't do much to argue with this. Whilst I know it's his choice how he deals with her, it does impact on me and also this is the best time for him to make his points because he's going to give her an outrageous amount of money to finalise the divorce - he has a hold over her right now. In future, it'll be even harder.
As you can see, the positive is only mindly positive. What I'm really struggling with is the feeling that I'm never at home and constantly everywhere other than here. The new job is really excellent - I'm loving it. This is a good place to be for the first time in a few years and that's great. The system we have is that we each get in early one day and late one evening. So there's one evening when I'm barely home and one when I want to get to bed early to get up at an un Godly hour. Which is all ok in itself. But my lovely man's daughter is now living with him, albeit 17 years old but she gets driven to school each day because he no longer lives in the catchment area. So when I'm not going to bed early or home quite late, I'm at his to be able to see him. Which means when I'm not at home asleep, I'm at his place. I want to spend time with him and I love doing it - we get on very well, no rows, always lots to say to each other - but I really feel like I'm all over the place all the time. Add in the fact that all our plans are aways changed by the ex changing her - and by extension his - plans. Things feel mad.
So there's just no time to sit let alone sit and blog. There is a light at the end of the tunnel but it's a way away. We are thinking about moving in together - yes I know this is obvious for others but has taken a while because of the scars left by the ex. And it's all worked very well with us both being in our own places. Until his daughter moved in - who's fine, not at all a problem, is nice, polite etc but the added responsibility is telling. After a week in sunny Spain (with the 17 year old and her boyfriend - my first shout being "how much do holidays cost in school holidays??"), I've got something of a quiet summer ahead, lots of working from home and hopefully the space around the edges (when I've saved 3 hours a day commuting) to get my house in the state I want it, and then in a state to sell it. Or something like that. Things will be easier soon, I hope.
As you can see, the positive is only mindly positive. What I'm really struggling with is the feeling that I'm never at home and constantly everywhere other than here. The new job is really excellent - I'm loving it. This is a good place to be for the first time in a few years and that's great. The system we have is that we each get in early one day and late one evening. So there's one evening when I'm barely home and one when I want to get to bed early to get up at an un Godly hour. Which is all ok in itself. But my lovely man's daughter is now living with him, albeit 17 years old but she gets driven to school each day because he no longer lives in the catchment area. So when I'm not going to bed early or home quite late, I'm at his to be able to see him. Which means when I'm not at home asleep, I'm at his place. I want to spend time with him and I love doing it - we get on very well, no rows, always lots to say to each other - but I really feel like I'm all over the place all the time. Add in the fact that all our plans are aways changed by the ex changing her - and by extension his - plans. Things feel mad.
So there's just no time to sit let alone sit and blog. There is a light at the end of the tunnel but it's a way away. We are thinking about moving in together - yes I know this is obvious for others but has taken a while because of the scars left by the ex. And it's all worked very well with us both being in our own places. Until his daughter moved in - who's fine, not at all a problem, is nice, polite etc but the added responsibility is telling. After a week in sunny Spain (with the 17 year old and her boyfriend - my first shout being "how much do holidays cost in school holidays??"), I've got something of a quiet summer ahead, lots of working from home and hopefully the space around the edges (when I've saved 3 hours a day commuting) to get my house in the state I want it, and then in a state to sell it. Or something like that. Things will be easier soon, I hope.
Sunday 27 May 2012
How is life so tiring?
It's been ages between postings again and it's hard to say why. I'm so so tired all the time at the moment, not because I'm not sleeping and not really because I'm doing excessive amounts. It's not just me, my very nice man is suffering much more - his we can definitely put down to stress. D-word continues to be a pain and then some. And also the messing things around. From nowhere a text yesterday saying she'd forgotten that 12 yr old son is away on an activity next Sunday (his weekend at his dad's) so he'll need to be brought home un-Godly early on Sunday morning. Oh but he can come over on Friday night - but after lots of problems with Friday night and Saturday morning activities, weekends have been changed to run Sat - Mon rather than Fri - Sun ....... but that's got to change again. Hopefully he's going to put his foot down, I do wish he would because he gets walked all over. But his logic is that she'll take it out on the kids if she's angry (not physically I hasten to add, just being in a bad mood) and she'll also bad mouth him again - all of which is probably true but so not fair.
So that's a first para and a half - maybe I'm a bit more stressed with it all than I think I am. There are lots of nice things going on too. The new job is going well, I'm enjoying it and those above are pleased with what I'm doing so that's all good. The nice weather always makes the world feel better. I do get overheated quite easily but I'd still rather than the sun were shining than a cooler rainy day. This weekend we went to see some friends who are getting married in a couple of months and my v nice man is taking the photos. So we went to the venue to get some ideas. He's a bit worried about this being his first wedding shoot (he's taken lots of good photos at weddings but he's never been in charge before and he's worried about not getting a good set of photos - which is just silly because he takes excellent photos and it'll be great). I booked train tickets to go to the Edinburgh festival in August. It was an extra £30 to go First Class but I've decided that I deserve it (I'm staying with a friend so it's not like there are high accommodation costs). We're also planning to go to Paris for a weekend - my very sweet team gave me a voucher for the Eurostar for my leaving present so we're going exploit it. I've been to Paris twice - although we don't really count the first time, end of Inter Railing trip so it was August Bank Holiday weekend which was not a good start but we also saw our visit coincide with the Pope and it meant there were an extra half a million people at a Catholic Youth Convention as well as those who'd come to see him! The second time was really nice when I met a friend who was working in Brussels there and I'm hoping for a similar feel. We've found a weekend in September so fingers crossed for nice weather and not too many people.
But before that, it feels like I need to get my hammock out again and enjoy evenings in it in the garden - I know life's too short to get stressed so I need to behave like that too!
So that's a first para and a half - maybe I'm a bit more stressed with it all than I think I am. There are lots of nice things going on too. The new job is going well, I'm enjoying it and those above are pleased with what I'm doing so that's all good. The nice weather always makes the world feel better. I do get overheated quite easily but I'd still rather than the sun were shining than a cooler rainy day. This weekend we went to see some friends who are getting married in a couple of months and my v nice man is taking the photos. So we went to the venue to get some ideas. He's a bit worried about this being his first wedding shoot (he's taken lots of good photos at weddings but he's never been in charge before and he's worried about not getting a good set of photos - which is just silly because he takes excellent photos and it'll be great). I booked train tickets to go to the Edinburgh festival in August. It was an extra £30 to go First Class but I've decided that I deserve it (I'm staying with a friend so it's not like there are high accommodation costs). We're also planning to go to Paris for a weekend - my very sweet team gave me a voucher for the Eurostar for my leaving present so we're going exploit it. I've been to Paris twice - although we don't really count the first time, end of Inter Railing trip so it was August Bank Holiday weekend which was not a good start but we also saw our visit coincide with the Pope and it meant there were an extra half a million people at a Catholic Youth Convention as well as those who'd come to see him! The second time was really nice when I met a friend who was working in Brussels there and I'm hoping for a similar feel. We've found a weekend in September so fingers crossed for nice weather and not too many people.
But before that, it feels like I need to get my hammock out again and enjoy evenings in it in the garden - I know life's too short to get stressed so I need to behave like that too!
Sunday 6 May 2012
Rainy May Day
Rainy every day right at the moment. I don't have unrealistic expectations for British weather, I don't think, but really it's being very silly right now. I have been very wet very many time in the last weeks and it's also causing trouble with everything from floods to train delays.
The new job is going well, I'm enjoying being somewhere new and whilst it's not perfect and there are some problems there, these are new problems and at the moment, these don't feel like my problems. Things will change, they always do, but it's nice to be somewhere that has a better feel and somewhere where I feel I can add value and do something worthwhile.
Otherwise, my head is all over the place. I'm back to working 5 days a week so I'm tired and I'm also not into the right swing of things yet - I was used to doing 5 days in 4, which meant 4 long days, and I'm not yet into the swing of working 5 sensible length days, which isn't helping me. On top of that, the newness means my brain has a lot more to think about. But I am being more scatty than I should be and in a really bad way. I've been forgetting people I've met in my new job - this is not good and indeed embarassing as I'm usually so good with people and faces. I've also lost my rail ticket twice in six weeks (never previously in 13 years) and with 5 months left to run, it was an expensive loss. I did some serious grovelling, made many phone calls and fortunately by the rail company not understanding its own procedures, I was offered a further replacement and apology for being messed around. And I was told that under no circumstances would I get another one in the next 12 months, including in fire or theft. That has been quite stressful and I'm so relieved it's over.
But I don't know why I'm in quite the state I am. I'm doing anything that I haven't done myself before - work long hours, take on new things at work, be tired ...... but it's taking its toll. Maybe I'm old now! But I hope not, as I hope I have a way to go and if I keep getting more scatty each year, I'll have lost my mind before I get into my forties.
Divorce rumblings on - which can't help my state of mind either. Somehow she seems to get everything in a position of needing to make a mad, difficult decision very quickly, can't understand why it isn't sorted out, and then comes back saying that it can't happen any more and there's something else to be decided. My very nice man is tearing his hair out and gets very, very upset about it all - which breaks my heart because I can do nothing about that.
Looking forward, I'm counting the days until the Olympics - and going on holiday to avoid the transport chaos in London. I can't wait until I have a few days off to regain my mind. Some of it is hopefully still salvageable!
The new job is going well, I'm enjoying being somewhere new and whilst it's not perfect and there are some problems there, these are new problems and at the moment, these don't feel like my problems. Things will change, they always do, but it's nice to be somewhere that has a better feel and somewhere where I feel I can add value and do something worthwhile.
Otherwise, my head is all over the place. I'm back to working 5 days a week so I'm tired and I'm also not into the right swing of things yet - I was used to doing 5 days in 4, which meant 4 long days, and I'm not yet into the swing of working 5 sensible length days, which isn't helping me. On top of that, the newness means my brain has a lot more to think about. But I am being more scatty than I should be and in a really bad way. I've been forgetting people I've met in my new job - this is not good and indeed embarassing as I'm usually so good with people and faces. I've also lost my rail ticket twice in six weeks (never previously in 13 years) and with 5 months left to run, it was an expensive loss. I did some serious grovelling, made many phone calls and fortunately by the rail company not understanding its own procedures, I was offered a further replacement and apology for being messed around. And I was told that under no circumstances would I get another one in the next 12 months, including in fire or theft. That has been quite stressful and I'm so relieved it's over.
But I don't know why I'm in quite the state I am. I'm doing anything that I haven't done myself before - work long hours, take on new things at work, be tired ...... but it's taking its toll. Maybe I'm old now! But I hope not, as I hope I have a way to go and if I keep getting more scatty each year, I'll have lost my mind before I get into my forties.
Divorce rumblings on - which can't help my state of mind either. Somehow she seems to get everything in a position of needing to make a mad, difficult decision very quickly, can't understand why it isn't sorted out, and then comes back saying that it can't happen any more and there's something else to be decided. My very nice man is tearing his hair out and gets very, very upset about it all - which breaks my heart because I can do nothing about that.
Looking forward, I'm counting the days until the Olympics - and going on holiday to avoid the transport chaos in London. I can't wait until I have a few days off to regain my mind. Some of it is hopefully still salvageable!
Monday 23 April 2012
Where've I been .....
It's been ages, I again curse that I can't write posts on my phone. I can read blogs and I can write the TITLE of a post, but not the text. Why??
We had a couple of days in the Lake District just before Easter. It was my first visit to the Lakes - my excuse had always been that it was such a long way away. It is still such a long way away but it was really beautiful. We had all the seasons in a week, as the cliches claim is possible, with glorious sunshine, rain and snow all in the space of a few days. We were on a photography workshop - I'd bought as a present for my very nice man (birthday and Christmas and should probably have been another event too as it wasn't cheap!) but it great for him and I found it fun too and managed to learn some stuff which was good. However, my camera did die on the last day (screen on the back, which means I've lost most of the menus as well as the playback) and I've had a quote back for over £180 to fix it which is painful but necessary because I can't do without it. Ouch ouch ouch.
It was, however, another holiday when we brought the divorce baggage. His ex rang whilst away insisting that he agreed to giving her a pretty outrageous amount of money on top of everything else (the house, child support and most other things), and wanted a decision in a very short space of time. He's not been well and the doctor said it seems like stress - pushing up his blood pressure, he's had viruses that he can't shake and sleeps badly. It's so horrible to watch. This still hasn't been resolved yet, and the saga continues. He wants it's over. And so do I. Why does she have to be so spiteful?
It was nice to have time off generally. Things have been so busy this year and have been so busy since I started my new job. It's all got a feeling of "new" about it. I don't understand a lot about the place because despite it still being the Civil Service, this department is very different and has lots of different procedures and a very different culture - but that's ok because a change is as good as a rest and I'm still feeling like an outside observer. There will reach a point when it really annoys me, but by then I'll be at the end of my loan (in 2 years) and I'll move away. The team seem good and I have good colleagues. That's all great. But I'm back doing five days a week and just one week of it (because the first week was just after Easter bank holiday), I'm shattered!!
Things to look forward to - there's a good amount of stuff going on. There are holidays to look forward to later on in the year, a couple of weekends to see amateur theatre stuff, we had a really good fun night out for a quiz two weeks ago and our team came second, time to catch up with friends over dinner and coffees and much more. But we just need to get past the d-word (there's a Tammy Wynette song going around in my head a lot).
We had a couple of days in the Lake District just before Easter. It was my first visit to the Lakes - my excuse had always been that it was such a long way away. It is still such a long way away but it was really beautiful. We had all the seasons in a week, as the cliches claim is possible, with glorious sunshine, rain and snow all in the space of a few days. We were on a photography workshop - I'd bought as a present for my very nice man (birthday and Christmas and should probably have been another event too as it wasn't cheap!) but it great for him and I found it fun too and managed to learn some stuff which was good. However, my camera did die on the last day (screen on the back, which means I've lost most of the menus as well as the playback) and I've had a quote back for over £180 to fix it which is painful but necessary because I can't do without it. Ouch ouch ouch.
It was, however, another holiday when we brought the divorce baggage. His ex rang whilst away insisting that he agreed to giving her a pretty outrageous amount of money on top of everything else (the house, child support and most other things), and wanted a decision in a very short space of time. He's not been well and the doctor said it seems like stress - pushing up his blood pressure, he's had viruses that he can't shake and sleeps badly. It's so horrible to watch. This still hasn't been resolved yet, and the saga continues. He wants it's over. And so do I. Why does she have to be so spiteful?
It was nice to have time off generally. Things have been so busy this year and have been so busy since I started my new job. It's all got a feeling of "new" about it. I don't understand a lot about the place because despite it still being the Civil Service, this department is very different and has lots of different procedures and a very different culture - but that's ok because a change is as good as a rest and I'm still feeling like an outside observer. There will reach a point when it really annoys me, but by then I'll be at the end of my loan (in 2 years) and I'll move away. The team seem good and I have good colleagues. That's all great. But I'm back doing five days a week and just one week of it (because the first week was just after Easter bank holiday), I'm shattered!!
Things to look forward to - there's a good amount of stuff going on. There are holidays to look forward to later on in the year, a couple of weekends to see amateur theatre stuff, we had a really good fun night out for a quiz two weeks ago and our team came second, time to catch up with friends over dinner and coffees and much more. But we just need to get past the d-word (there's a Tammy Wynette song going around in my head a lot).
Friday 30 March 2012
Declutter needed - help!
I continue to enjoy my week off. I've been exceptionally lucky to have chosen this week, or at least have this week chosen for me because it's between jobs time, and the weather has been glorious. If I had any chose, I'd have booked this weather for next week as we're going to the Lake District for a photography holiday and I could do without rain. Extrordinarily, I've never made it to the Lakes before - when I was a child, we headed towards Devon and Cornwall as it was nearer to S Wales and when I lived in Manchester, I was terribly remiss and didn't go out into the Peaks often enough at all and didn't get to the Lakes either. However, we're going to go out for nice walks and learn how to use cameras better too.
Before then, I've got more work to do on the decluttering my house. Now before I go much further, I have to stress that it couldn't feature on any kind of dubious Channel 5 show but I'm just poor at throwing things out if they are in anyway useful. I blame my parents and the post WWII values of being thrifty. I also know I'm too sentimental and just need to get rid of stuff. And very risk averse, so don't want to get rid of things that I might need in the future. At some point in the future. Some time.
But it's really hard. Both to motivate myself to keep going, there seems very little reward at the moment. And also to do the hard things. It's easy just to put it back again and move on. The reward would be to move in with my very nice man - which is not contingent on my decluttering, he's still not divorced, she's still being difficult etc etc, but I know he doesn't like my place because it's somewhat cluttered.
And here I am procrastinating. I will continue working on this. Deep breath and off we go .......
Before then, I've got more work to do on the decluttering my house. Now before I go much further, I have to stress that it couldn't feature on any kind of dubious Channel 5 show but I'm just poor at throwing things out if they are in anyway useful. I blame my parents and the post WWII values of being thrifty. I also know I'm too sentimental and just need to get rid of stuff. And very risk averse, so don't want to get rid of things that I might need in the future. At some point in the future. Some time.
But it's really hard. Both to motivate myself to keep going, there seems very little reward at the moment. And also to do the hard things. It's easy just to put it back again and move on. The reward would be to move in with my very nice man - which is not contingent on my decluttering, he's still not divorced, she's still being difficult etc etc, but I know he doesn't like my place because it's somewhat cluttered.
And here I am procrastinating. I will continue working on this. Deep breath and off we go .......
Monday 26 March 2012
Sitting here in the sunshine ....
I'm sitting in the back garden, in the shade, and marvelling that it's March and we're able to do this. I'm really realy hoping that this doesn't jinx all good weather for the rest of the year. Particularly because I've agreed to go to Cornwall for a week in July which can either be fantastic or dull if the weather isn't the best. Fortunately it's to stay with a friend but still, I want sunshine for that week too.
I'm having a week at home because when I start my new job - despite transferring from one department to another - my leave is going to be messed up. I have to move to the new leave year there which leaves me with holiday to use up before I start but then not enough to last for the rest of this (calendar) year because I have plans for holidays later on in the year and when you take these into account, I have 1 day to cover all eventualities between start day and 31 December - including anything other than bank holidays over Christmas. Maybe it is my own fault for having too many holiday plans but it's not excessive - just two 2-week trips - nor does it involve carrying days over at all.
I'm very much enjoying my inflicted week off now. WIth this beautiful weather, I could very easily not do everything that I want to do, which includes some much needed spring cleaning. I've cleaned and tidied the living room today, which is a start. I just need to keep going in the same vein. I almost brought my hammock out into the garden today but I realised that that would be fatal in terms of getting things done, so am saving that for later on in the week, as apparently it's going to be nice for days to come.
The last few weeks have been hectic, trying to finish off work in the current post, and also playing the piano for a pantomime locally. Yes, we are a little behind the times, with most pantomimes finishing off at Christmas time. A local drama group writes its own scripts and has a very loyal following from the local community and it's really fun to be involved with. The group are very grateful for my help - which is minimal, as I pop up once a week and knock a few keys and help them to sing vaguely in time and in tune. It's nice to be liked and respected by them but mostly, it is all very good fun, with everyone pulling together and enjoying themselves at the same time.
Divorce trundles along slowly. Latest joke is that she's said she needs some additional financial help in the short term until she can pick up more hours in work which have been promised in a few months time - sounds almost reasonable until you realise that she's just booked a holiday to Turkey for her and two of the kids in the summer. Because that's an essential!! (Grumble, grumble). Just keeping my cool and hoping that it truly won't last too much longer.
I'm having a week at home because when I start my new job - despite transferring from one department to another - my leave is going to be messed up. I have to move to the new leave year there which leaves me with holiday to use up before I start but then not enough to last for the rest of this (calendar) year because I have plans for holidays later on in the year and when you take these into account, I have 1 day to cover all eventualities between start day and 31 December - including anything other than bank holidays over Christmas. Maybe it is my own fault for having too many holiday plans but it's not excessive - just two 2-week trips - nor does it involve carrying days over at all.
I'm very much enjoying my inflicted week off now. WIth this beautiful weather, I could very easily not do everything that I want to do, which includes some much needed spring cleaning. I've cleaned and tidied the living room today, which is a start. I just need to keep going in the same vein. I almost brought my hammock out into the garden today but I realised that that would be fatal in terms of getting things done, so am saving that for later on in the week, as apparently it's going to be nice for days to come.
The last few weeks have been hectic, trying to finish off work in the current post, and also playing the piano for a pantomime locally. Yes, we are a little behind the times, with most pantomimes finishing off at Christmas time. A local drama group writes its own scripts and has a very loyal following from the local community and it's really fun to be involved with. The group are very grateful for my help - which is minimal, as I pop up once a week and knock a few keys and help them to sing vaguely in time and in tune. It's nice to be liked and respected by them but mostly, it is all very good fun, with everyone pulling together and enjoying themselves at the same time.
Divorce trundles along slowly. Latest joke is that she's said she needs some additional financial help in the short term until she can pick up more hours in work which have been promised in a few months time - sounds almost reasonable until you realise that she's just booked a holiday to Turkey for her and two of the kids in the summer. Because that's an essential!! (Grumble, grumble). Just keeping my cool and hoping that it truly won't last too much longer.
Friday 16 March 2012
Counting the days to the new job .....
It's been another long week, with very little to show. On the job front I've been fighting with security clearance and the people who implement the policies for what seems like weeks now. You'd think that moving from one Government department to another would be simple but apparently not. I'm also fighting to sort out a new member of staff - new to my team but not the department, and you'd think an internal move would be easy. But no! There are some bonkers policies but these are also being carried out by some real jobsworths, who are not using any kind of common sense when what they are asked to do is pointless in a particular circumstance. Don't you hate it when that happens - it's like the people who read you their script on the phone and don't notice that it doesn't apply to you at all. Also frustrating.
Anyway, the stress levels have dropped this week on the divorce front - but that's mainly because she's not done anything and not engaged at all. But for this week, we both need the lower stress levels so we're not discussing it. And not discussing not discussing it!
Today I'm feeling virtuous because I've cleaned with some vigour. I've been threatening to get a cleaner for years and years but never done it because I've not wanted to let anyone loose here until it was to my satisfaction and - probably because I'm my mother's daughter - it never has been. Now, I'll be the first to admit I'm not the tidiest, I have good intentions but I'm a terrible hoarder and I have STUFF. I also have a WWII thrifty sense of not being able to throw things out when they can be useful to someone. If I could give them away to that person, I'd happily do that, but I don't like the idea of waste. I know this is admirable in today's climate, but I take it to some extreme. This is going to be a rubbing point should my very nice man and I try to move in together. I'm trying to be good and have something of a sort out, starting slowly, but it's slow progress.
I'm not doing this for him - well, of course there's some involvement on that front but it's something that I want to do anyway. I want to be better but there are some habits which are hard to shake! There's no plan to move in at the moment - nothing like that until after the divorce. Therefore there's no rush and I can do it properly -right?!
Back to the grindstone - must been good.
Anyway, the stress levels have dropped this week on the divorce front - but that's mainly because she's not done anything and not engaged at all. But for this week, we both need the lower stress levels so we're not discussing it. And not discussing not discussing it!
Today I'm feeling virtuous because I've cleaned with some vigour. I've been threatening to get a cleaner for years and years but never done it because I've not wanted to let anyone loose here until it was to my satisfaction and - probably because I'm my mother's daughter - it never has been. Now, I'll be the first to admit I'm not the tidiest, I have good intentions but I'm a terrible hoarder and I have STUFF. I also have a WWII thrifty sense of not being able to throw things out when they can be useful to someone. If I could give them away to that person, I'd happily do that, but I don't like the idea of waste. I know this is admirable in today's climate, but I take it to some extreme. This is going to be a rubbing point should my very nice man and I try to move in together. I'm trying to be good and have something of a sort out, starting slowly, but it's slow progress.
I'm not doing this for him - well, of course there's some involvement on that front but it's something that I want to do anyway. I want to be better but there are some habits which are hard to shake! There's no plan to move in at the moment - nothing like that until after the divorce. Therefore there's no rush and I can do it properly -right?!
Back to the grindstone - must been good.
Thursday 8 March 2012
Dropping in briefly to say hello
Remember me avoiding the blogging when I didn't want to be ranting about my very nice man's ex …… well I've now calmed down, but it's taken weeks. What I don't understand is how and why someone can be so selfish. And actually expect that she deserves lots of stuff.
But the thing that I can't calm down about is when you see the number of lies she's been willing to tell the kids. I can be a little more rational and realise that there are two sides to every story but no sane person would be able to describe what she's said as anything other than deliberately misleading and it stretches to down right vindictive. The house needs to be divided in the divorce and it's not yet clear how that is going to happen. But already she's been telling the kids that their father is trying to throw them out of the house and he wants to see them homeless. When at worse case scenario (from her perspective), he's offering her all the equity which is enough to buy a house of the same size which is still within the school catchment area and where many of their friends live, even if it's not in the same village. I know this is hard for her too – but how is it fair to cause them uncertainty when it might not come to fruition and also set them against their father. And this isn't the worst of it. She's said things that I can't write down even on a blog where I think I'm fairly anonymous.
It makes me so cross but worse it makes my very nice man feel very stressed and upset. He's been ill, including high blood pressure, and a visit to the Doctor put it down to stress levels. It's just terrible.
And now breathe. Nicer things have also happened in the last week. I've got a new job, a loan to another Government Department for a couple of years but a really interesting role and one I'm thrilled to have got. I only applied on a whim because I didn't think I'd get it even though I'd have really liked it but I wanted to put a shot across the bows here where they were once again messing around and not treating me particularly well. I'm sure the powers that be also didn't think I'd get the job because they signed off pretty begrudgingly – as my post was under review, they couldn't NOT allow me to apply for another job in case I didn't have one – and then spent a week pontificating about whether I could go or not. But I can and when I do, I'll not be throwing a backward glance.
Other nice things – I'm so looking forward to a quiet weekend. I bought myself a new computer last Saturday as the old one has been dying for a while, just doing it one step at a time. I did get time to set it up last night and enjoyed the fact that I could edit just a couple of photos on it in a very small fraction of the time it used to take. So I'm going to do lots of editing – yay – so I can finally put some of my photos from last year into albums.
Thursday 23 February 2012
Back home and back to work
I've had a short break from the blog deliberately. I decided that I wasn't going to just write all my frustrations about the divorce, or lack of it, and in particular my frustrations with simply how unreasonable one woman can be. Fortunately for my sanity (and that of my very nice man), she has started to see sense and we are making some progress. I say "we" despite it being nothing to do with me, but it does seem to dominate our lives.
The break was also enforced by a long weekend in Cornwall Cornwall
I think my favourite was the woman who was wearing the stripy top, knee-high boots over skinny jeans and had a short silk scarf tied around her neck. She spoke very loudly on her mobile phone for the entire journey on the Rock-Padstow foot ferry and announced to everyone how good the hotel was, how much work the builders had done on the cottage and how pleased everyone seemed to be that she'd got engaged last night (hapless fiancé was accompanying her on this trip). And we had the misfortune to get the same ferry back when she was regaling someone with how wonderful the accessories were that she'd found in Rick Stein's quaint little shop. I could at least take pleasure in noting that this quaint shop had dispatched her with a paper carrier bag which was nicely disintegrating in the rain.
I shouldn't be judgmental, I realise, but this sort of thing brings out the worst in me. I'm not poor, at all by national standards, I have a responsible, well-paid job, my views and opinions are sought at work by senior colleagues – but once I'm out of the office, people like this manage to make me feel inferior to them.
This doesn't mean I'm not going away again – we need to have more nice breaks. I just might have to invest in my own stripy top first!
Sunday 5 February 2012
Weekend, much welcomed
So after a tiring (but not remarkable) week at work, I was looking forward to the weekend and managed to have a really enjoyable one. Friday was due to be unremarkable but my very nice man was working from home so we were able to have some time together and also catch up with a friend at lunchtime as well as him getting done more reading than he could in the office. We had a quiet Friday evening, cuddling on the sofa whilst watching American comedies and a very early night, both falling asleep before 10pm.
Saturday we went to the Travel Show at Earl's Court. If I didn't get free tickets from a magazine subscription, I wouldn't go as I don't think it's worth £12 entrance unless you knew you were going to book a trip that was highly discounted. However, as I don't pay to get in, and I pay to commute into London each day so travel at the weekend doesn't cost any extra, I think it's an okay day out. We went to listen to the photography talks and these were really good - particularly because there was a separate theatre for photography this year so they could give more time to those. The celebrities weren't really an attraction, so we didn't bother with any other talks but did browse some stands and also get a half-price guidebook for my next exciting trip - El Salvador in November. You may not be surprised that there aren't many books on El Salvador so I have 90 pages from Footprint which give me a little bit of information to help getting around. We were pretty tired yesterday too so got home for dinner and more American TV (crime shows on a Saturday) and another early night.
This morning we woke up to lots of snow and with a heavy heart, my very nice man put off his daughter who's been living with him Sunday evenings to Thursday mornings and has booked a hotel near work because he's got to be there all week as he's leading work with lots of visitors expecting to see him. He's headed off to get there before dark and whilst we've had a nice day, breakfast and late lunch together, with him going home in between to get a week's worth of clothes, it wasn't at all what we had planned.
Myself, I've also got to think about work tomorrow - a little bit of snow gives a lot of scope for public transport to go wrong. We were lucky on Saturday - partly by design because we didn't want to stay out too late - but reading comments on various websites, I can see people on my line were stuck in London waiting for trains on Saturday night and there have been delays today too. I'm not foolish enough to think that I'm so important I have to be there tomorrow but I have a team and need to set an example.
I'm posting this with a nervous eye on the rugby - Wales is in the lead with seconds to go. Can we hold on - that'll be a nice end to a pleasant but somewhat odd weekend!
Saturday we went to the Travel Show at Earl's Court. If I didn't get free tickets from a magazine subscription, I wouldn't go as I don't think it's worth £12 entrance unless you knew you were going to book a trip that was highly discounted. However, as I don't pay to get in, and I pay to commute into London each day so travel at the weekend doesn't cost any extra, I think it's an okay day out. We went to listen to the photography talks and these were really good - particularly because there was a separate theatre for photography this year so they could give more time to those. The celebrities weren't really an attraction, so we didn't bother with any other talks but did browse some stands and also get a half-price guidebook for my next exciting trip - El Salvador in November. You may not be surprised that there aren't many books on El Salvador so I have 90 pages from Footprint which give me a little bit of information to help getting around. We were pretty tired yesterday too so got home for dinner and more American TV (crime shows on a Saturday) and another early night.
This morning we woke up to lots of snow and with a heavy heart, my very nice man put off his daughter who's been living with him Sunday evenings to Thursday mornings and has booked a hotel near work because he's got to be there all week as he's leading work with lots of visitors expecting to see him. He's headed off to get there before dark and whilst we've had a nice day, breakfast and late lunch together, with him going home in between to get a week's worth of clothes, it wasn't at all what we had planned.
Myself, I've also got to think about work tomorrow - a little bit of snow gives a lot of scope for public transport to go wrong. We were lucky on Saturday - partly by design because we didn't want to stay out too late - but reading comments on various websites, I can see people on my line were stuck in London waiting for trains on Saturday night and there have been delays today too. I'm not foolish enough to think that I'm so important I have to be there tomorrow but I have a team and need to set an example.
I'm posting this with a nervous eye on the rugby - Wales is in the lead with seconds to go. Can we hold on - that'll be a nice end to a pleasant but somewhat odd weekend!
Sunday 29 January 2012
Taking five
I'd love to be a domestic goddess. I'd like to have one of those houses that look like a magazine shoot, you could have people around at any point with no need to dash around and tidy up/hide things. Cleaning would then involve just gliding around the hoover and feather duster and it would be very simple.
I'd live with just being tidy by nature, but I'm really not. I know that things should go back where they came from, but somehow they just don't. Add to that the fact that lots of my things don't actually have a proper home because I've never really mentally settled on that. And you can imagine my life. I hate throwing things away - some things for sentimental reasons but also I'm very thrifty by nature (for which I blame my parents, born just before and just after WWII) so I hate waste. I used to do lots of work with Girl Guides and had things like A4 paper and card, which is still in the spare room. If I could find something sensible to do with it, I could get rid of lots of it. But despite asking a few friends with kids and also the local playgroup, it's not found a new home. Multiply that up by everything I have ......
I'm currently proud of downstairs, I had a big tidy and clean after Christmas and it's respectable most of the time, just needing to move things upstairs periodically, but upstairs is not! The spare rooms are piles of things needing moving. It's not helped by the fact that it's really cold in the room that's got 3 outside walls and above the garage. So I'm not keen to go in there and tackle it.
Why is it that we know we should do things and we don't! I'd feel less guilty about it all the time, I'd be able to have friends stay without thinking "need time to tidy", and I'd have the things I do want to keep in albums or boxes and get rid of things that I don't need to keep.
This afternoon's job is the regular tidying and cleaning (made urgent by dropping a cup of tea on the laminate floor in the living room!) - and I'm procrastinating right now. Get up - go, move, do ...... Off I go.
I'd live with just being tidy by nature, but I'm really not. I know that things should go back where they came from, but somehow they just don't. Add to that the fact that lots of my things don't actually have a proper home because I've never really mentally settled on that. And you can imagine my life. I hate throwing things away - some things for sentimental reasons but also I'm very thrifty by nature (for which I blame my parents, born just before and just after WWII) so I hate waste. I used to do lots of work with Girl Guides and had things like A4 paper and card, which is still in the spare room. If I could find something sensible to do with it, I could get rid of lots of it. But despite asking a few friends with kids and also the local playgroup, it's not found a new home. Multiply that up by everything I have ......
I'm currently proud of downstairs, I had a big tidy and clean after Christmas and it's respectable most of the time, just needing to move things upstairs periodically, but upstairs is not! The spare rooms are piles of things needing moving. It's not helped by the fact that it's really cold in the room that's got 3 outside walls and above the garage. So I'm not keen to go in there and tackle it.
Why is it that we know we should do things and we don't! I'd feel less guilty about it all the time, I'd be able to have friends stay without thinking "need time to tidy", and I'd have the things I do want to keep in albums or boxes and get rid of things that I don't need to keep.
This afternoon's job is the regular tidying and cleaning (made urgent by dropping a cup of tea on the laminate floor in the living room!) - and I'm procrastinating right now. Get up - go, move, do ...... Off I go.
Friday 27 January 2012
Keeping up with good intentions
As I mentioned, my very lovely man's resolved to move on his divorce this year and this cheers me no end. When I was much younger and rather idealistic, I thought that I'd get married one day and whilst I'm really not bothered about that any more (I refer you back to other posts, I might like to, I'd definitely like to have the choice), I am still uncomfortable about the concept of being the girlfriend of someone else's husband.
However, this process doesn't come without its stress. Very very little of it is mine, but I need a forum to have a rant about how I cannot sometimes believe how his ex's mind works and how she can in any way justify the position she's trying to take! Now, let me start by saying "I know I am biased". I need to say this before you do (or just infer it). However, I'm prety good at staying removed from emotional situations and am doing well when I'm with my man but OMG! Again, to give context, I have friends who have chosen/agreed with their husbands to stay at home for a period of time whilst their child/ren is/are young. I agree that this is a perfectly valid decision for them and for the child/ren (and it's also perfectly valid for a man to stay at home, or for neither to and for the child to go into good quality childcare).
BUT this woman seems to believe that when her youngest child is 12, she shouldn't have to go into full-time work (she's a qualified teacher) until the youngest goes into high school (another 18 months) and that they shouldn't have to move house - ie. my man should continue to pay half the mortgage - until that child is 18 (and the others are then 21 and 23). Oh but that she should get all the equity in house in exchange for relinquishing her share in his pension - which right now is probably the right agreement on paper, although it still feels unfair because she chose not to work for a long time, not when the children were very little but later on when they were in "proper" school and indeed was the one who ran up all the other debts which he has taken on since they separated.
I will stop now but it really does annoy me because I feel that women like that make all the rest of us look bad. There are some awful men out there who do not respect their wives contributions to a marriage and who treat them badly and they deserve everything they get. But in this case, he would have still been in a miserable marriage if she hadn't thrown him out, and he has done his utmost to be fair for the last 4 years, whilst she's turned one of his daughters against him (it was two but one has come full circle, so here's hoping) by saying so many horrid things, including telling the eldest child that her father wanted her aborted and never wanted her. Horrid, horrid.
Yesterday was first meeting ahead of mediation and then whatever has to happen next. I'm happy that steps have been taken and I so sympathise with his wish for this all to be over. And I want to be able to move on with our life. Not that our life together needs to move anywhere at the moment because it's realy lovely. But the black cloud that is the dvorce needs to go!
However, this process doesn't come without its stress. Very very little of it is mine, but I need a forum to have a rant about how I cannot sometimes believe how his ex's mind works and how she can in any way justify the position she's trying to take! Now, let me start by saying "I know I am biased". I need to say this before you do (or just infer it). However, I'm prety good at staying removed from emotional situations and am doing well when I'm with my man but OMG! Again, to give context, I have friends who have chosen/agreed with their husbands to stay at home for a period of time whilst their child/ren is/are young. I agree that this is a perfectly valid decision for them and for the child/ren (and it's also perfectly valid for a man to stay at home, or for neither to and for the child to go into good quality childcare).
BUT this woman seems to believe that when her youngest child is 12, she shouldn't have to go into full-time work (she's a qualified teacher) until the youngest goes into high school (another 18 months) and that they shouldn't have to move house - ie. my man should continue to pay half the mortgage - until that child is 18 (and the others are then 21 and 23). Oh but that she should get all the equity in house in exchange for relinquishing her share in his pension - which right now is probably the right agreement on paper, although it still feels unfair because she chose not to work for a long time, not when the children were very little but later on when they were in "proper" school and indeed was the one who ran up all the other debts which he has taken on since they separated.
I will stop now but it really does annoy me because I feel that women like that make all the rest of us look bad. There are some awful men out there who do not respect their wives contributions to a marriage and who treat them badly and they deserve everything they get. But in this case, he would have still been in a miserable marriage if she hadn't thrown him out, and he has done his utmost to be fair for the last 4 years, whilst she's turned one of his daughters against him (it was two but one has come full circle, so here's hoping) by saying so many horrid things, including telling the eldest child that her father wanted her aborted and never wanted her. Horrid, horrid.
Yesterday was first meeting ahead of mediation and then whatever has to happen next. I'm happy that steps have been taken and I so sympathise with his wish for this all to be over. And I want to be able to move on with our life. Not that our life together needs to move anywhere at the moment because it's realy lovely. But the black cloud that is the dvorce needs to go!
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Some successes but some failures (eg. blogging!)
Well I've been a pretty lousy blogger since the New Year. I've been reading other people's stuff - which almost seems worse because I'm getting the pleasure out of other's work without putting in the effort myself. Bad girl.
But I have pulled my finger out about a couple of things that I've been meaning to do for a while. Bizzarely, I'll be the only person who managed to lose weight over Christmas (without trying I hasten to add - more rushing around than I'd planned) and I thought I'd carry on the good work and try to shift some of the weight that's built up over the last ...... well quite a while. So at the moment, I'm being good with my salad and jacket potato at lunchtime, lots of fruit and veg and just the one glass of wine in the evening - the trick to which is buying single-serving bottles because I am generally not able to just have the one drink (but not in an alcoholic way, you understand).
After being depressed about everyone else's holiday plans, I am in the process of sorting out an exciting holiday for my very nice man and I in November. We have slightly different definitions of "holiday" generally - I like travelling to new places and seeing lots of things and he doesn't want to travel too far (because he gets on aeroplanes regularly with work) and is happy to do very little. We've been away a few times but for very specific purposes - mainly weddings or to see friends, although the Australia trip last year was tagged on to conference he was attending. But this is going to be the first real holiday that we're planning for no reason, as it were. I'm getting very excited about it all - I like going on holiday - but he's not really engaged as he doesn't do planning and November seems a very, very long way away. But I'm having fun. I've suggested El Salvador - because I imagine your first thought is "why would you go there" and I'm always keen to go somewhere different. I am very quickly becoming knowledgeable about the geography and culture, and it really does look interesting.
The best success, which isn't one for which I can claim credit but which is pleasing me no end, is that steps have been taken to engage in the divorce process. Technically, my very lovely man is someone else's husband. To make that sound less bad, I can clarify that he was separated when we got together (and had been for 11 months) and indeed she decided that she didn't want to be married any more and threw him out so he really is blame-free in this scenario. He said that he was going to go for a no-fault divorce after two years apart - that milestone came and went, as did three years, but he after some difficult times, including him struggling to see his kids when she was awkward about arrangements, he didn't want to rock the boat.
But with a new year comes new resolve. He's taken quite a few kicks from her recently and he doesn't want to take any more. But in true "man" style, now he's started, he wants it to be finished already. And of course it doesn't work like that. He's been incredibly reasonable to date - yes I would say that but this has included paying half the mortgage for the last 4 years when it now seems inevitable that he won't get anything from the equity because of the value of his pension, and he's still paying her full support for all three kids even when the eldest now stays with him four nights a week.
So, lots of *yay* but lots of hard work to come. But very much prepared for it. Just need to keep my resolve.
But I have pulled my finger out about a couple of things that I've been meaning to do for a while. Bizzarely, I'll be the only person who managed to lose weight over Christmas (without trying I hasten to add - more rushing around than I'd planned) and I thought I'd carry on the good work and try to shift some of the weight that's built up over the last ...... well quite a while. So at the moment, I'm being good with my salad and jacket potato at lunchtime, lots of fruit and veg and just the one glass of wine in the evening - the trick to which is buying single-serving bottles because I am generally not able to just have the one drink (but not in an alcoholic way, you understand).
After being depressed about everyone else's holiday plans, I am in the process of sorting out an exciting holiday for my very nice man and I in November. We have slightly different definitions of "holiday" generally - I like travelling to new places and seeing lots of things and he doesn't want to travel too far (because he gets on aeroplanes regularly with work) and is happy to do very little. We've been away a few times but for very specific purposes - mainly weddings or to see friends, although the Australia trip last year was tagged on to conference he was attending. But this is going to be the first real holiday that we're planning for no reason, as it were. I'm getting very excited about it all - I like going on holiday - but he's not really engaged as he doesn't do planning and November seems a very, very long way away. But I'm having fun. I've suggested El Salvador - because I imagine your first thought is "why would you go there" and I'm always keen to go somewhere different. I am very quickly becoming knowledgeable about the geography and culture, and it really does look interesting.
The best success, which isn't one for which I can claim credit but which is pleasing me no end, is that steps have been taken to engage in the divorce process. Technically, my very lovely man is someone else's husband. To make that sound less bad, I can clarify that he was separated when we got together (and had been for 11 months) and indeed she decided that she didn't want to be married any more and threw him out so he really is blame-free in this scenario. He said that he was going to go for a no-fault divorce after two years apart - that milestone came and went, as did three years, but he after some difficult times, including him struggling to see his kids when she was awkward about arrangements, he didn't want to rock the boat.
But with a new year comes new resolve. He's taken quite a few kicks from her recently and he doesn't want to take any more. But in true "man" style, now he's started, he wants it to be finished already. And of course it doesn't work like that. He's been incredibly reasonable to date - yes I would say that but this has included paying half the mortgage for the last 4 years when it now seems inevitable that he won't get anything from the equity because of the value of his pension, and he's still paying her full support for all three kids even when the eldest now stays with him four nights a week.
So, lots of *yay* but lots of hard work to come. But very much prepared for it. Just need to keep my resolve.
Wednesday 4 January 2012
Back to reality - with a bump
Today has been my first day back in work and I've not really liked it. It's a little odd because what seems like more people than usual have taken two weeks rather than just one and are still off. But we have to get back to work as normal which isn't fun after what felt like not enough time off.
I arrived a day after many of my staff and they'd all come back from Christmas with more leave plans for this year and had submitted them for my return. Actually rather sensible because it's good to have something to look forward to but as I've not got as far as working out where I want to go next, it depressed me somewhat! So I spent lunchtime looking at Central American possibilities. I don't know if I'll be able to work out a good time to do it - co-ordinating work and my very nice man's commitments with their weather (having been away in the "green" season before, it is one to be avoided if possible). It's important to have holidays, right?
I'm still reeling somewhat at the amount of stress and hassle that some people seem to have put themselves under for Christmas. Having to visit friends or relatives that they didn't want to see, going into debt to buy things they can't afford, not being a little bit more honest with people (including kids, who can understand if you have a sensible conversation with them) so that they didn't have to be so stressed. Maybe it's just me, but I knew that there were lots of things my parents couldn't afford so we didn't even ask, and sometimes we asked and just didn't get, which was about the same result. And I don't push myself to do things I don't want to do because that doesn't make me happy, and if I'm not happy, I'm not going to be able to make others happy either.
But as I say, maybe it's me not understanding the detail of it all. Maybe life really is a lot more complicated and I missed it?!
I arrived a day after many of my staff and they'd all come back from Christmas with more leave plans for this year and had submitted them for my return. Actually rather sensible because it's good to have something to look forward to but as I've not got as far as working out where I want to go next, it depressed me somewhat! So I spent lunchtime looking at Central American possibilities. I don't know if I'll be able to work out a good time to do it - co-ordinating work and my very nice man's commitments with their weather (having been away in the "green" season before, it is one to be avoided if possible). It's important to have holidays, right?
I'm still reeling somewhat at the amount of stress and hassle that some people seem to have put themselves under for Christmas. Having to visit friends or relatives that they didn't want to see, going into debt to buy things they can't afford, not being a little bit more honest with people (including kids, who can understand if you have a sensible conversation with them) so that they didn't have to be so stressed. Maybe it's just me, but I knew that there were lots of things my parents couldn't afford so we didn't even ask, and sometimes we asked and just didn't get, which was about the same result. And I don't push myself to do things I don't want to do because that doesn't make me happy, and if I'm not happy, I'm not going to be able to make others happy either.
But as I say, maybe it's me not understanding the detail of it all. Maybe life really is a lot more complicated and I missed it?!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)