I'd love to be a domestic goddess. I'd like to have one of those houses that look like a magazine shoot, you could have people around at any point with no need to dash around and tidy up/hide things. Cleaning would then involve just gliding around the hoover and feather duster and it would be very simple.
I'd live with just being tidy by nature, but I'm really not. I know that things should go back where they came from, but somehow they just don't. Add to that the fact that lots of my things don't actually have a proper home because I've never really mentally settled on that. And you can imagine my life. I hate throwing things away - some things for sentimental reasons but also I'm very thrifty by nature (for which I blame my parents, born just before and just after WWII) so I hate waste. I used to do lots of work with Girl Guides and had things like A4 paper and card, which is still in the spare room. If I could find something sensible to do with it, I could get rid of lots of it. But despite asking a few friends with kids and also the local playgroup, it's not found a new home. Multiply that up by everything I have ......
I'm currently proud of downstairs, I had a big tidy and clean after Christmas and it's respectable most of the time, just needing to move things upstairs periodically, but upstairs is not! The spare rooms are piles of things needing moving. It's not helped by the fact that it's really cold in the room that's got 3 outside walls and above the garage. So I'm not keen to go in there and tackle it.
Why is it that we know we should do things and we don't! I'd feel less guilty about it all the time, I'd be able to have friends stay without thinking "need time to tidy", and I'd have the things I do want to keep in albums or boxes and get rid of things that I don't need to keep.
This afternoon's job is the regular tidying and cleaning (made urgent by dropping a cup of tea on the laminate floor in the living room!) - and I'm procrastinating right now. Get up - go, move, do ...... Off I go.
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Friday, 27 January 2012
Keeping up with good intentions
As I mentioned, my very lovely man's resolved to move on his divorce this year and this cheers me no end. When I was much younger and rather idealistic, I thought that I'd get married one day and whilst I'm really not bothered about that any more (I refer you back to other posts, I might like to, I'd definitely like to have the choice), I am still uncomfortable about the concept of being the girlfriend of someone else's husband.
However, this process doesn't come without its stress. Very very little of it is mine, but I need a forum to have a rant about how I cannot sometimes believe how his ex's mind works and how she can in any way justify the position she's trying to take! Now, let me start by saying "I know I am biased". I need to say this before you do (or just infer it). However, I'm prety good at staying removed from emotional situations and am doing well when I'm with my man but OMG! Again, to give context, I have friends who have chosen/agreed with their husbands to stay at home for a period of time whilst their child/ren is/are young. I agree that this is a perfectly valid decision for them and for the child/ren (and it's also perfectly valid for a man to stay at home, or for neither to and for the child to go into good quality childcare).
BUT this woman seems to believe that when her youngest child is 12, she shouldn't have to go into full-time work (she's a qualified teacher) until the youngest goes into high school (another 18 months) and that they shouldn't have to move house - ie. my man should continue to pay half the mortgage - until that child is 18 (and the others are then 21 and 23). Oh but that she should get all the equity in house in exchange for relinquishing her share in his pension - which right now is probably the right agreement on paper, although it still feels unfair because she chose not to work for a long time, not when the children were very little but later on when they were in "proper" school and indeed was the one who ran up all the other debts which he has taken on since they separated.
I will stop now but it really does annoy me because I feel that women like that make all the rest of us look bad. There are some awful men out there who do not respect their wives contributions to a marriage and who treat them badly and they deserve everything they get. But in this case, he would have still been in a miserable marriage if she hadn't thrown him out, and he has done his utmost to be fair for the last 4 years, whilst she's turned one of his daughters against him (it was two but one has come full circle, so here's hoping) by saying so many horrid things, including telling the eldest child that her father wanted her aborted and never wanted her. Horrid, horrid.
Yesterday was first meeting ahead of mediation and then whatever has to happen next. I'm happy that steps have been taken and I so sympathise with his wish for this all to be over. And I want to be able to move on with our life. Not that our life together needs to move anywhere at the moment because it's realy lovely. But the black cloud that is the dvorce needs to go!
However, this process doesn't come without its stress. Very very little of it is mine, but I need a forum to have a rant about how I cannot sometimes believe how his ex's mind works and how she can in any way justify the position she's trying to take! Now, let me start by saying "I know I am biased". I need to say this before you do (or just infer it). However, I'm prety good at staying removed from emotional situations and am doing well when I'm with my man but OMG! Again, to give context, I have friends who have chosen/agreed with their husbands to stay at home for a period of time whilst their child/ren is/are young. I agree that this is a perfectly valid decision for them and for the child/ren (and it's also perfectly valid for a man to stay at home, or for neither to and for the child to go into good quality childcare).
BUT this woman seems to believe that when her youngest child is 12, she shouldn't have to go into full-time work (she's a qualified teacher) until the youngest goes into high school (another 18 months) and that they shouldn't have to move house - ie. my man should continue to pay half the mortgage - until that child is 18 (and the others are then 21 and 23). Oh but that she should get all the equity in house in exchange for relinquishing her share in his pension - which right now is probably the right agreement on paper, although it still feels unfair because she chose not to work for a long time, not when the children were very little but later on when they were in "proper" school and indeed was the one who ran up all the other debts which he has taken on since they separated.
I will stop now but it really does annoy me because I feel that women like that make all the rest of us look bad. There are some awful men out there who do not respect their wives contributions to a marriage and who treat them badly and they deserve everything they get. But in this case, he would have still been in a miserable marriage if she hadn't thrown him out, and he has done his utmost to be fair for the last 4 years, whilst she's turned one of his daughters against him (it was two but one has come full circle, so here's hoping) by saying so many horrid things, including telling the eldest child that her father wanted her aborted and never wanted her. Horrid, horrid.
Yesterday was first meeting ahead of mediation and then whatever has to happen next. I'm happy that steps have been taken and I so sympathise with his wish for this all to be over. And I want to be able to move on with our life. Not that our life together needs to move anywhere at the moment because it's realy lovely. But the black cloud that is the dvorce needs to go!
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Some successes but some failures (eg. blogging!)
Well I've been a pretty lousy blogger since the New Year. I've been reading other people's stuff - which almost seems worse because I'm getting the pleasure out of other's work without putting in the effort myself. Bad girl.
But I have pulled my finger out about a couple of things that I've been meaning to do for a while. Bizzarely, I'll be the only person who managed to lose weight over Christmas (without trying I hasten to add - more rushing around than I'd planned) and I thought I'd carry on the good work and try to shift some of the weight that's built up over the last ...... well quite a while. So at the moment, I'm being good with my salad and jacket potato at lunchtime, lots of fruit and veg and just the one glass of wine in the evening - the trick to which is buying single-serving bottles because I am generally not able to just have the one drink (but not in an alcoholic way, you understand).
After being depressed about everyone else's holiday plans, I am in the process of sorting out an exciting holiday for my very nice man and I in November. We have slightly different definitions of "holiday" generally - I like travelling to new places and seeing lots of things and he doesn't want to travel too far (because he gets on aeroplanes regularly with work) and is happy to do very little. We've been away a few times but for very specific purposes - mainly weddings or to see friends, although the Australia trip last year was tagged on to conference he was attending. But this is going to be the first real holiday that we're planning for no reason, as it were. I'm getting very excited about it all - I like going on holiday - but he's not really engaged as he doesn't do planning and November seems a very, very long way away. But I'm having fun. I've suggested El Salvador - because I imagine your first thought is "why would you go there" and I'm always keen to go somewhere different. I am very quickly becoming knowledgeable about the geography and culture, and it really does look interesting.
The best success, which isn't one for which I can claim credit but which is pleasing me no end, is that steps have been taken to engage in the divorce process. Technically, my very lovely man is someone else's husband. To make that sound less bad, I can clarify that he was separated when we got together (and had been for 11 months) and indeed she decided that she didn't want to be married any more and threw him out so he really is blame-free in this scenario. He said that he was going to go for a no-fault divorce after two years apart - that milestone came and went, as did three years, but he after some difficult times, including him struggling to see his kids when she was awkward about arrangements, he didn't want to rock the boat.
But with a new year comes new resolve. He's taken quite a few kicks from her recently and he doesn't want to take any more. But in true "man" style, now he's started, he wants it to be finished already. And of course it doesn't work like that. He's been incredibly reasonable to date - yes I would say that but this has included paying half the mortgage for the last 4 years when it now seems inevitable that he won't get anything from the equity because of the value of his pension, and he's still paying her full support for all three kids even when the eldest now stays with him four nights a week.
So, lots of *yay* but lots of hard work to come. But very much prepared for it. Just need to keep my resolve.
But I have pulled my finger out about a couple of things that I've been meaning to do for a while. Bizzarely, I'll be the only person who managed to lose weight over Christmas (without trying I hasten to add - more rushing around than I'd planned) and I thought I'd carry on the good work and try to shift some of the weight that's built up over the last ...... well quite a while. So at the moment, I'm being good with my salad and jacket potato at lunchtime, lots of fruit and veg and just the one glass of wine in the evening - the trick to which is buying single-serving bottles because I am generally not able to just have the one drink (but not in an alcoholic way, you understand).
After being depressed about everyone else's holiday plans, I am in the process of sorting out an exciting holiday for my very nice man and I in November. We have slightly different definitions of "holiday" generally - I like travelling to new places and seeing lots of things and he doesn't want to travel too far (because he gets on aeroplanes regularly with work) and is happy to do very little. We've been away a few times but for very specific purposes - mainly weddings or to see friends, although the Australia trip last year was tagged on to conference he was attending. But this is going to be the first real holiday that we're planning for no reason, as it were. I'm getting very excited about it all - I like going on holiday - but he's not really engaged as he doesn't do planning and November seems a very, very long way away. But I'm having fun. I've suggested El Salvador - because I imagine your first thought is "why would you go there" and I'm always keen to go somewhere different. I am very quickly becoming knowledgeable about the geography and culture, and it really does look interesting.
The best success, which isn't one for which I can claim credit but which is pleasing me no end, is that steps have been taken to engage in the divorce process. Technically, my very lovely man is someone else's husband. To make that sound less bad, I can clarify that he was separated when we got together (and had been for 11 months) and indeed she decided that she didn't want to be married any more and threw him out so he really is blame-free in this scenario. He said that he was going to go for a no-fault divorce after two years apart - that milestone came and went, as did three years, but he after some difficult times, including him struggling to see his kids when she was awkward about arrangements, he didn't want to rock the boat.
But with a new year comes new resolve. He's taken quite a few kicks from her recently and he doesn't want to take any more. But in true "man" style, now he's started, he wants it to be finished already. And of course it doesn't work like that. He's been incredibly reasonable to date - yes I would say that but this has included paying half the mortgage for the last 4 years when it now seems inevitable that he won't get anything from the equity because of the value of his pension, and he's still paying her full support for all three kids even when the eldest now stays with him four nights a week.
So, lots of *yay* but lots of hard work to come. But very much prepared for it. Just need to keep my resolve.
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Back to reality - with a bump
Today has been my first day back in work and I've not really liked it. It's a little odd because what seems like more people than usual have taken two weeks rather than just one and are still off. But we have to get back to work as normal which isn't fun after what felt like not enough time off.
I arrived a day after many of my staff and they'd all come back from Christmas with more leave plans for this year and had submitted them for my return. Actually rather sensible because it's good to have something to look forward to but as I've not got as far as working out where I want to go next, it depressed me somewhat! So I spent lunchtime looking at Central American possibilities. I don't know if I'll be able to work out a good time to do it - co-ordinating work and my very nice man's commitments with their weather (having been away in the "green" season before, it is one to be avoided if possible). It's important to have holidays, right?
I'm still reeling somewhat at the amount of stress and hassle that some people seem to have put themselves under for Christmas. Having to visit friends or relatives that they didn't want to see, going into debt to buy things they can't afford, not being a little bit more honest with people (including kids, who can understand if you have a sensible conversation with them) so that they didn't have to be so stressed. Maybe it's just me, but I knew that there were lots of things my parents couldn't afford so we didn't even ask, and sometimes we asked and just didn't get, which was about the same result. And I don't push myself to do things I don't want to do because that doesn't make me happy, and if I'm not happy, I'm not going to be able to make others happy either.
But as I say, maybe it's me not understanding the detail of it all. Maybe life really is a lot more complicated and I missed it?!
I arrived a day after many of my staff and they'd all come back from Christmas with more leave plans for this year and had submitted them for my return. Actually rather sensible because it's good to have something to look forward to but as I've not got as far as working out where I want to go next, it depressed me somewhat! So I spent lunchtime looking at Central American possibilities. I don't know if I'll be able to work out a good time to do it - co-ordinating work and my very nice man's commitments with their weather (having been away in the "green" season before, it is one to be avoided if possible). It's important to have holidays, right?
I'm still reeling somewhat at the amount of stress and hassle that some people seem to have put themselves under for Christmas. Having to visit friends or relatives that they didn't want to see, going into debt to buy things they can't afford, not being a little bit more honest with people (including kids, who can understand if you have a sensible conversation with them) so that they didn't have to be so stressed. Maybe it's just me, but I knew that there were lots of things my parents couldn't afford so we didn't even ask, and sometimes we asked and just didn't get, which was about the same result. And I don't push myself to do things I don't want to do because that doesn't make me happy, and if I'm not happy, I'm not going to be able to make others happy either.
But as I say, maybe it's me not understanding the detail of it all. Maybe life really is a lot more complicated and I missed it?!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)