I had a post called "nearly Christmas" that I've now binned because I'd not had time to sit and just put down everything I wanted in a coherrent manner and now it's New Year's Eve Eve! My life seems to fly by faster as I get older and, frankly, I don't like it! I didn't really ever feel old enough to turn 30 and I'm now nearer 40 than 30, and I really, really don't feel old enough to be there.
On more pleasant note, Christmas was lovely, really, really lovely. My very nice man and I had been to see my parents the weekend before - always stressful, my sister more than my parents, she operates on the reverse Gallileo principle (of the opinion that the world revolves around her). I finished work on 22 December and then, after battling with Tesco's, we shut ourselves away for a few days. We cuddled on the sofa, we watched tv, listened to music, sung carols around the piano and had a blissfully quiet time. The year flying by has certainly taken its toll in the last few months and there were early nights and long sleeps which helped both of us.
This didn't all last very long as he then had his kids for Christmas Mark II from 27-29 December. I was invited to "Christmas Day", quite a big deal as I've not been along before, and indeed hadn't even met one of his daughters. In my humble opinion (which isn't expressed very often, unless I've had a few vinos), he takes a LOT from his ex and this results in many things that don't make his life easy, including never having his kids at Christmas but now always having responsibility at New Year so we can't go out! The day was nice, dinner for 9 is always challenging (3 kids, 1 cousin, 1 boyfriend and 2 grandparents as well as the two of us) but we all managed to bumble along together.
And now it's the weird in between time. I took the whole period off work - I wanted a break from the miserable-ness of the public sector, with constant difficulty about spending money and even keeping our jobs. I need to make a good list of resolutions to sort out a few things in my life - from the mess that is the spare room, to changing my bank account (my bank and I have fallen out over the last year), through to sorting out work, what I want to do and how I can be happier with it. Well, it's nice to have ideas like that! Let's go get the pad of paper out.
Friday, 30 December 2011
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Nearly back on time and then ......
So I mainly floated through last week, floundering from one day to the next and feeling really rather tired. On Thursday evening, I went to see Chris Addison at a comedy gig. He was really excellent, amusing himself as much as everyone else it seemed, and enjoying making "middle class" jokes about Waitrose and hummous. Getting there was a tad stressful as the trains were up the creek again, and I made it with just 5 mins to spare. You really don't want to walk in late to a comedy gig late.
Friday morning, I was dropped home by my v nice man as I'd stopped at his the night before. And although it was half 8, I felt I could snooze for a little while and listen to the radio. And after accepting two calls from work (I don't work on Fridays but had told some of my staff to get in touch about particular issues), I went back to sleep ..... until 2pm. It proves that I really was tired when I say that I had no trouble getting back to sleep that night. Bed by half 9!
It's been a funny couple of weeks. Just before my holiday, my v nice man's eldest daughter (16 going on 26) decided that she was going to come and live with him in the week. Now to date when he's had the kids around, I've stayed out of the way. Not that I've got anything against them (we'll get on to them having something against me ....) but when it was their weekend to spend with their dad, I felt quite strongly that they didn't need to have me around, it was parent-child time. However, her moving in was going to be quite different. She is a nice kid, when she wants to be. She can be fantastic but she can be a real pain and it really depends on her mood and thoughts. Initially, when we got together, she was almost encouraging her dad to move on. When he did, she decided that I was the devil incarnate - not helped by the fact that her mother has decided that he and I were having an affair for years before we got together (not true - and indeed impossible as I didn't know him well at all and indeed was travelling for almost 8 months, which would have made things logistically very difficult!).
She stayed over for the first week before I went away. And to date it's all ok. It's meant a bit of re-thinking because whereas before, we had no routine about where we stayed or even when we had an evening together and when not, suddnenly routine has been inflicted upon us. He has to be at home Sun-Wed/Thu evenings when she's there and it makes things less flexible. But we've actually had some fun times too, just banter over dinner or when she sang along with some of the songs at our band rehearsal.
I'm going to see a consultant on Friday about headaches and to give me something to talk about, I've had a really painful one for the last two days - confining me to bed painful. I don't really get migraines, but my headaches are getting worse. I went to the doctor's which was pretty useless and included the sentence "what are you hoping to get out of this consultation" when I went back for a second opinion. I know that headaches aren't easy to diagnose, I know that it might be nothing but when it came on from nowhere and these are different headaches that are lingering, I think it's right to ask questions.
So I'm lying in bed typing, feeling a little guilty for not being in bed now although it was not good this morning and I really would have struggled to get in to London. There's a lot going on and people are not doing things I want them to do whilst I'm not in the office but I can't worry about that right now, I'll start that worry tomorrow.
Friday morning, I was dropped home by my v nice man as I'd stopped at his the night before. And although it was half 8, I felt I could snooze for a little while and listen to the radio. And after accepting two calls from work (I don't work on Fridays but had told some of my staff to get in touch about particular issues), I went back to sleep ..... until 2pm. It proves that I really was tired when I say that I had no trouble getting back to sleep that night. Bed by half 9!
It's been a funny couple of weeks. Just before my holiday, my v nice man's eldest daughter (16 going on 26) decided that she was going to come and live with him in the week. Now to date when he's had the kids around, I've stayed out of the way. Not that I've got anything against them (we'll get on to them having something against me ....) but when it was their weekend to spend with their dad, I felt quite strongly that they didn't need to have me around, it was parent-child time. However, her moving in was going to be quite different. She is a nice kid, when she wants to be. She can be fantastic but she can be a real pain and it really depends on her mood and thoughts. Initially, when we got together, she was almost encouraging her dad to move on. When he did, she decided that I was the devil incarnate - not helped by the fact that her mother has decided that he and I were having an affair for years before we got together (not true - and indeed impossible as I didn't know him well at all and indeed was travelling for almost 8 months, which would have made things logistically very difficult!).
She stayed over for the first week before I went away. And to date it's all ok. It's meant a bit of re-thinking because whereas before, we had no routine about where we stayed or even when we had an evening together and when not, suddnenly routine has been inflicted upon us. He has to be at home Sun-Wed/Thu evenings when she's there and it makes things less flexible. But we've actually had some fun times too, just banter over dinner or when she sang along with some of the songs at our band rehearsal.
I'm going to see a consultant on Friday about headaches and to give me something to talk about, I've had a really painful one for the last two days - confining me to bed painful. I don't really get migraines, but my headaches are getting worse. I went to the doctor's which was pretty useless and included the sentence "what are you hoping to get out of this consultation" when I went back for a second opinion. I know that headaches aren't easy to diagnose, I know that it might be nothing but when it came on from nowhere and these are different headaches that are lingering, I think it's right to ask questions.
So I'm lying in bed typing, feeling a little guilty for not being in bed now although it was not good this morning and I really would have struggled to get in to London. There's a lot going on and people are not doing things I want them to do whilst I'm not in the office but I can't worry about that right now, I'll start that worry tomorrow.
Sunday, 4 December 2011
Body in the UK, head on another time zone!
Been a really bad blogger - although, I'm still blaming HTC partly because I can't get my phone to write blog posts ...... I can read other people's stuff and comment but can't do anything with my own blog whilst away.
So, I've had two crazy weeks in SE Asia. Absolutely intriguing place and a fantastic holiday - non stop for two weeks, a group trip with 13 other people I'd never met before. It started a little shakily as the tour company first rearranged the trip because of the floods in Bangkok and then a couple of days before it was all rearranged back. Not a problem at all for me but it did end up being a bit of an issue for some of the others who didn't get told - in particular, a couple who'd got married in Thailand (changing a lot of their plans because of the FCO advice not to travel) and who were not told, emailed, called and spent over 6 hours waiting for the rest of the group at Bangkok airport.
But once we got underway, it was fantastic. We had some brilliant local guides, all of whom were very keen to share everything about their countries with us and some of whom had had incredible experiences - including a guy who'd be in the Cambodian army towards the end of Pol Pot's time and another whose father and uncle had lived in the Cu Chi tunnels outside Saigon, frustrating the American soldiers. When you hear the stories and see them still smiling, it really hits home how lucky you are.
Were I as technically capable as Lesley, I'd put some photos on here, but at the moment they are very slowly being put on to Facebook and Flickr. I took over 1200 - lots to be deleted when I see them on a decent-sized screen but that still takes time, as well as processing and converting (I went sophisticated and bought myself a digital SLR which is great but the photos do involve some faffing about).
The rest of the group was one of the best I've ever travelled with. There was no one who immediately felt like my best friend but everyone was nice and there was no one that anyone wanted to avoid at dinner or on day trips out. One couple were really really lovely and I hope we do stay in touch. They've continued on for a few weeks (until early January) and I'm looking forward to following the trip.
There's lots more I could dwell on, but I'm still awake at 7pm after not being in bed since Friday night/Saturday morning (equivalent to 1am Saturday GMT) and I'm slowly fading. So will come back to you with everything else in my mind.
Saturday, 5 November 2011
Counting the days .....
I'm counting the days until my holiday. Two weeks today I'll be on a flight to Bangkok, which will take a full day by the time I've changed and have lost the time difference. I've booked myself on to a trip from Bangkok to Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) overland, just two weeks but the weather should be good (yes, I've seen the notice of flooding) and I'll be somewhere interesting that I've never been before.
However, I think that I'm counting the days because I'm not really enjoying work at the moment. We've been going through the same public sector grief as everyone else and that's not pleasant, but my real frustrations at the moment come with my boss and colleagues not engaging and not making time for the really important job of putting people into posts and then managing them - we don't have great staff but we have to performance manage our staff in the right way.
I'm need to work out how to deal with work or what to do next instead. But right now, I'm enjoying the run up to my holiday - looking at what I can see from my raft of guidebooks and planning what to take and what to do. This will more than usefully occupy me for now and maybe when I'm relaxed, I can think about work.
However, I think that I'm counting the days because I'm not really enjoying work at the moment. We've been going through the same public sector grief as everyone else and that's not pleasant, but my real frustrations at the moment come with my boss and colleagues not engaging and not making time for the really important job of putting people into posts and then managing them - we don't have great staff but we have to performance manage our staff in the right way.
I'm need to work out how to deal with work or what to do next instead. But right now, I'm enjoying the run up to my holiday - looking at what I can see from my raft of guidebooks and planning what to take and what to do. This will more than usefully occupy me for now and maybe when I'm relaxed, I can think about work.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Being happy
I've just read Lesley's post which includes her worries about being happy and it made me mull over how my very nice man and I have spent some time discussing how odd it sometimes feels for us to be happy and contented. I think he spends more time being surprised about it than I do as his ex is/was not easy to be with and in hindsight he knows that he wasn't happy for a large proportion of his marriage.
We can be soppy - when he asks if I'm ok, my answer is usually "of course because I'm with you" and I really do mean it. And when he worries about how things are going to play with me, I have to remind him that I rarely get upset with him because it isn't in his nature to do things to upset me. (Worse fault I can think of is that he's a bit rubbish at planning which does wind me up as that's the worst I can say, I know I should hold on tight to him).
By constrast, I had to remind myself that in my previous relationship I was happy at times and it wasn't just in my head, he'd written me letters (when I lived abroad and email wasn't as easy to find) that said he was happy with me too. That didn't last and again with the 20:20 vision of hindsight, I know it wasn't right for a while but at the time I didn't want us to split up and I wanted to be with him.
The saddest thing that I struggle with is when I can see that friends aren't happy. Of course, you never see inside someone else's relationship entirely but when you feel that someone else seems to be unhappy more often than they are happy, and you hear about their woes, it's so very hard not to say "just leave him" or even more tactfully "are you sure you're doing the right thing". Because it would,of course,be the worst thing to do and would probably signal the end of the friendship.
But tonight I'm happy being happy and happy being me.
We can be soppy - when he asks if I'm ok, my answer is usually "of course because I'm with you" and I really do mean it. And when he worries about how things are going to play with me, I have to remind him that I rarely get upset with him because it isn't in his nature to do things to upset me. (Worse fault I can think of is that he's a bit rubbish at planning which does wind me up as that's the worst I can say, I know I should hold on tight to him).
By constrast, I had to remind myself that in my previous relationship I was happy at times and it wasn't just in my head, he'd written me letters (when I lived abroad and email wasn't as easy to find) that said he was happy with me too. That didn't last and again with the 20:20 vision of hindsight, I know it wasn't right for a while but at the time I didn't want us to split up and I wanted to be with him.
The saddest thing that I struggle with is when I can see that friends aren't happy. Of course, you never see inside someone else's relationship entirely but when you feel that someone else seems to be unhappy more often than they are happy, and you hear about their woes, it's so very hard not to say "just leave him" or even more tactfully "are you sure you're doing the right thing". Because it would,of course,be the worst thing to do and would probably signal the end of the friendship.
But tonight I'm happy being happy and happy being me.
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Lazy Sunday (not different to Monday, Tuesday ....)
Just getting up on Sunday morning. Not quite worked out why the times are so screwed up on here but that makes it about 11am. I've been awake for a little while already but as I seemed to watch the clock tick from hour to hour last night, I only had about 4 hours sleep in total, which is most definitely not enough. Can't work out how or why that happened but there you are. I don't feel lousy on it, which is good news, unlike the last few days when I've been unable to shift a headache, no particular reason for having it, which was pretty irritating. The challenge will be to stay awake until bedtime tonight and not just go back to sleep for a nap. It feels nice but I always regret it come 3am when I'm still awake.
So I have few plans for today. Hoovering and dusting needs to feature, after I looked laying in bed this morning and spotted a rather large cobweb. Well I've known it was overdue so I can't complain about it but it's not my favourite weekend activity. Going to see a friend who has a fairly small child. Not sure how small "small" is - thinking about 3 months old? She's pretty practical so isn't going to be asking if I'd like to hold the baby just cos. I don't mind being practical but don't have the urge to be near babies just because they are there.
I'm mulling over what to do about a friend being a bit pants. There are two sides to this - one is not returning calls, emails and resulting in you chasing, which I get annoyed about but most people go through those phases, myself included, so normally you just have to weather the storm. The one that annoys me more is that he's being somewhat careless with stuff - he has the keys to my garage because I store his drum kit and some other stuff that a few of his share (we play in a band together - well used to play in a band together, a different irritant) and I'm feeling both a little put out that he's being careless and doing things like leaving stuff outside (I came home to the spares box - that isn't owned by either of us but by another mate, also with garage-storing privileges - sitting on my bins), losing stuff (my chair disappeared after he borrowed it, it reappeared after a while but I had to play two gigs without it, which was uncomfortable) and the one that REALLY gets me is coming around and accessing the garage when I'm home, without even ringing the doorbell to say hello. One day it will be a thief and I'm going to ignore the noise of the garage opening just as I assume it's him again.
He's absolutely terrible at confrontation - he avoids it in a way that often makes the situation worse, you've never seen anyone like it. So the couple of pointed comments I've made to date have done nothing. I don't see very much of him any more, so if I do say anything, I'm going to have to go around to see him, which isn't a great motivation to do it - I'm not keen on going to visit just to argue with someone.
I'm just leaving it still at the moment, just to see if it's me being extra picky or if it continues. I'm going to have to say something I know. Just what and when I'm not sure. Why can't life be easy?!
So I have few plans for today. Hoovering and dusting needs to feature, after I looked laying in bed this morning and spotted a rather large cobweb. Well I've known it was overdue so I can't complain about it but it's not my favourite weekend activity. Going to see a friend who has a fairly small child. Not sure how small "small" is - thinking about 3 months old? She's pretty practical so isn't going to be asking if I'd like to hold the baby just cos. I don't mind being practical but don't have the urge to be near babies just because they are there.
I'm mulling over what to do about a friend being a bit pants. There are two sides to this - one is not returning calls, emails and resulting in you chasing, which I get annoyed about but most people go through those phases, myself included, so normally you just have to weather the storm. The one that annoys me more is that he's being somewhat careless with stuff - he has the keys to my garage because I store his drum kit and some other stuff that a few of his share (we play in a band together - well used to play in a band together, a different irritant) and I'm feeling both a little put out that he's being careless and doing things like leaving stuff outside (I came home to the spares box - that isn't owned by either of us but by another mate, also with garage-storing privileges - sitting on my bins), losing stuff (my chair disappeared after he borrowed it, it reappeared after a while but I had to play two gigs without it, which was uncomfortable) and the one that REALLY gets me is coming around and accessing the garage when I'm home, without even ringing the doorbell to say hello. One day it will be a thief and I'm going to ignore the noise of the garage opening just as I assume it's him again.
He's absolutely terrible at confrontation - he avoids it in a way that often makes the situation worse, you've never seen anyone like it. So the couple of pointed comments I've made to date have done nothing. I don't see very much of him any more, so if I do say anything, I'm going to have to go around to see him, which isn't a great motivation to do it - I'm not keen on going to visit just to argue with someone.
I'm just leaving it still at the moment, just to see if it's me being extra picky or if it continues. I'm going to have to say something I know. Just what and when I'm not sure. Why can't life be easy?!
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Sunday evening, doing something other than what I'd planned to do
I'm sitting at home watching sad teen films. Well, a sad teen film with the plan of watching Spooks at 9pm. The plan had been to have a band rehearsal but between my very nice man being dragged away for work (Nice is nice when you can choose to go there but not when you've got to get there because there are no sensible flights tomorrow morning) and one of the other lasses has been called on to parent duty - child who's stressed about some work for next week and of course she had to step up.
I've been less than productive today. My man left around 11 this morning and I watched tv for a big, fell asleep on the sofa (what am I like) and haven't done much other than go to Tesco for some food shopping - oh and then tried to multi-task whilst making dinner which resulted in well done lamb steak, overcooked vegetables and the smoke detector going off.
The weekend was otherwise good fun. I met up with a friend on Friday - she's got 2 kids but is very practical with it and so we had a good chat. She has a cute 3 year old and a very well-behaved little one - really, 4 hours and not a wimper. Friday evening I was really tired so we didn't go out. And on Saturday we went for a 9 mile walk around a local reservoir - the weather was so beautiful, really warm and not a cloud in the sky. And in the evening we went to a 40th celebration - a gathering with good friends rather than a big party which was lovely. We spent a nice time chatting and laughing - I don't laugh enough I sometimes realise.
So back to work tomorrow, boo hiss. Last week wasn't too bad but it's still not fun. I'm hoping next week will continue to go well. Fingers crossed. Hope everyon else had a fun weekend.
I've been less than productive today. My man left around 11 this morning and I watched tv for a big, fell asleep on the sofa (what am I like) and haven't done much other than go to Tesco for some food shopping - oh and then tried to multi-task whilst making dinner which resulted in well done lamb steak, overcooked vegetables and the smoke detector going off.
The weekend was otherwise good fun. I met up with a friend on Friday - she's got 2 kids but is very practical with it and so we had a good chat. She has a cute 3 year old and a very well-behaved little one - really, 4 hours and not a wimper. Friday evening I was really tired so we didn't go out. And on Saturday we went for a 9 mile walk around a local reservoir - the weather was so beautiful, really warm and not a cloud in the sky. And in the evening we went to a 40th celebration - a gathering with good friends rather than a big party which was lovely. We spent a nice time chatting and laughing - I don't laugh enough I sometimes realise.
So back to work tomorrow, boo hiss. Last week wasn't too bad but it's still not fun. I'm hoping next week will continue to go well. Fingers crossed. Hope everyon else had a fun weekend.
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