Where've I been .....

It's been ages, I again curse that I can't write posts on my phone.  I can read blogs and I can write the TITLE of a post, but not the text.  Why??

We had a couple of days in the Lake District just before Easter.  It was my first visit to the Lakes - my excuse had always been that it was such a long way away.  It is still such a long way away but it was really beautiful.  We had all the seasons in a week, as the cliches claim is possible, with glorious sunshine, rain and snow all in the space of a few days.  We were on a photography workshop - I'd bought as a present for my very nice man (birthday and Christmas and should probably have been another event too as it wasn't cheap!) but it great for him and I found it fun too and managed to learn some stuff which was good.  However, my camera did die on the last day (screen on the back, which means I've lost most of the menus as well as the playback) and I've had a quote back for over £180 to fix it which is painful but necessary because I can't do without it.  Ouch ouch ouch.

It was, however, another holiday when we brought the divorce baggage.  His ex rang whilst away insisting that he agreed to giving her a pretty outrageous amount of money on top of everything else (the house, child support and most other things), and wanted a decision in a very short space of time.  He's not been well and the doctor said it seems like stress - pushing up his blood pressure, he's had viruses that he can't shake and sleeps badly.  It's so horrible to watch.  This still hasn't been resolved yet, and the saga continues.  He wants it's over.  And so do I.  Why does she have to be so spiteful?

It was nice to have time off generally.  Things have been so busy this year and have been so busy since I started my new job.  It's all got a feeling of "new" about it.  I don't understand a lot about the place because despite it still being the Civil Service, this department is very different and has lots of different procedures and a very different culture - but that's ok because a change is as good as a rest and I'm still feeling like an outside observer.  There will reach a point when it really annoys me, but by then I'll be at the end of my loan (in 2 years) and I'll move away.  The team seem good and I have good colleagues.  That's all great.  But I'm back doing five days a week and just one week of it (because the first week was just after Easter bank holiday), I'm shattered!!

Things to look forward to - there's a good amount of stuff going on.  There are holidays to look forward to later on in the year, a couple of weekends to see amateur theatre stuff, we had a really good fun night out for a quiz two weeks ago and our team came second, time to catch up with friends over dinner and coffees and much more.  But we just need to get past the d-word (there's a Tammy Wynette song going around in my head a lot).

Declutter needed - help!

I continue to enjoy my week off.  I've been exceptionally lucky to have chosen this week, or at least have this week chosen for me because it's between jobs time, and the weather has been glorious.  If I had any chose, I'd have booked this weather for next week as we're going to the Lake District for a photography holiday and I could do without rain.  Extrordinarily, I've never made it to the Lakes before - when I was a child, we headed towards Devon and Cornwall as it was nearer to S Wales and when I lived in Manchester, I was terribly remiss and didn't go out into the Peaks often enough at all and didn't get to the Lakes either.  However, we're going to go out for nice walks and learn how to use cameras better too. 

Before then, I've got more work to do on the decluttering my house.  Now before I go much further, I have to stress that it couldn't feature on any kind of dubious Channel 5 show but I'm just poor at throwing things out if they are in anyway useful.  I blame my parents and the post WWII values of being thrifty.  I also know I'm too sentimental and just need to get rid of stuff.  And very risk averse, so don't want to get rid of things that I might need in the future.  At some point in the future.  Some time. 

But it's really hard.  Both to motivate myself to keep going, there seems very little reward at the moment.  And also to do the hard things.  It's easy just to put it back again and move on.  The reward would be to move in with my very nice man - which is not contingent on my decluttering, he's still not divorced, she's still being difficult etc etc, but I know he doesn't like my place because it's somewhat cluttered.

And here I am procrastinating.  I will continue working on this.  Deep breath and off we go .......

Sitting here in the sunshine ....

I'm sitting in the back garden, in the shade, and marvelling that it's March and we're able to do this.  I'm really realy hoping that this doesn't jinx all good weather for the rest of the year.  Particularly because I've agreed to go to Cornwall for a week in July which can either be fantastic or dull if the weather isn't the best.  Fortunately it's to stay with a friend but still, I want sunshine for that week too.

I'm having a week at home because when I start my new job - despite transferring from one department to another - my leave is going to be messed up.  I have to move to the new leave year there which leaves me with holiday to use up before I start but then not enough to last for the rest of this (calendar) year because I have plans for holidays later on in the year and when you take these into account, I have 1 day to cover all eventualities between start day and 31 December - including anything other than bank holidays over Christmas.  Maybe it is my own fault for having too many holiday plans but it's not excessive - just two 2-week trips - nor does it involve carrying days over at all. 

I'm very much enjoying my inflicted week off now.  WIth this beautiful weather, I could very easily not do everything that I want to do, which includes some much needed spring cleaning.  I've cleaned and tidied the living room today, which is a start.  I just need to keep going in the same vein.  I almost brought my hammock out into the garden today but I realised that that would be fatal in terms of getting things done, so am saving that for later on in the week, as apparently it's going to be nice for days to come.

The last few weeks have been hectic, trying to finish off work in the current post, and also playing the piano for a pantomime locally.  Yes, we are a little behind the times, with most pantomimes finishing off at Christmas time.  A local drama group writes its own scripts and has a very loyal following from the local community and it's really fun to be involved with.  The group are very grateful for my help - which is minimal, as I pop up once a week and knock a few keys and help them to sing vaguely in time and in tune.  It's nice to be liked and respected by them but mostly, it is all very good fun, with everyone pulling together and enjoying themselves at the same time.

Divorce trundles along slowly.  Latest joke is that she's said she needs some additional financial help in the short term until she can pick up more hours in work which have been promised in a few months time - sounds almost reasonable until you realise that she's just booked a holiday to Turkey for her and two of the kids in the summer.  Because that's an essential!! (Grumble, grumble).  Just keeping my cool and hoping that it truly won't last too much longer.

Counting the days to the new job .....

It's been another long week, with very little to show.  On the job front I've been fighting with security clearance and the people who implement the policies for what seems like weeks now.  You'd think that moving from one Government department to another would be simple but apparently not.  I'm also fighting to sort out a new member of staff - new to my team but not the department, and you'd think an internal move would be easy.  But no!  There are some bonkers policies but these are also being carried out by some real jobsworths, who are not using any kind of common sense when what they are asked to do is pointless in a particular circumstance.  Don't you hate it when that happens - it's like the people who read you their script on the phone and don't notice that it doesn't apply to you at all.  Also frustrating.

Anyway, the stress levels have dropped this week on the divorce front - but that's mainly because she's not done anything and not engaged at all.  But for this week, we both need the lower stress levels so we're not discussing it.  And not discussing not discussing it!

Today I'm feeling virtuous because I've cleaned with some vigour.  I've been threatening to get a cleaner for years and years but never done it because I've not wanted to let anyone loose here until it was to my satisfaction and - probably because I'm my mother's daughter - it never has been.  Now, I'll be the first to admit I'm not the tidiest, I have good intentions but I'm a terrible hoarder and I have STUFF.  I also have a WWII thrifty sense of not being able to throw things out when they can be useful to someone.  If I could give them away to that person, I'd happily do that, but I don't like the idea of waste.  I know this is admirable in today's climate, but I take it to some extreme.  This is going to be a rubbing point should my very nice man and I try to move in together.  I'm trying to be good and have something of a sort out, starting slowly, but it's slow progress. 

I'm not doing this for him - well, of course there's some involvement on that front but it's something that I want to do anyway.  I want to be better but there are some habits which are hard to shake!  There's no plan to move in at the moment - nothing like that until after the divorce.  Therefore there's no rush and I can do it properly -right?!

Back to the grindstone - must been good.

Dropping in briefly to say hello

Remember me avoiding the blogging when I didn't want to be ranting about my very nice man's ex …… well I've now calmed down, but it's taken weeks.  What I don't understand is how and why someone can be so selfish.  And actually expect that she deserves lots of stuff. 

But the thing that I can't calm down about is when you see the number of lies she's been willing to tell the kids.  I can be a little more rational and realise that there are two sides to every story but no sane person would be able to describe what she's said as anything other than deliberately misleading and it stretches to down right vindictive.  The house needs to be divided in the divorce and it's not yet clear how that is going to happen.  But already she's been telling the kids that their father is trying to throw them out of the house and he wants to see them homeless.  When at worse case scenario (from her perspective), he's offering her all the equity which is enough to buy a house of the same size which is still within the school catchment area and where many of their friends live, even if it's not in the same village.  I know this is hard for her too – but how is it fair to cause them uncertainty when it might not come to fruition and also set them against their father.  And this isn't the worst of it.  She's said things that I can't write down even on a blog where I think I'm fairly anonymous. 

It makes me so cross but worse it makes my very nice man feel very stressed and upset.  He's been ill, including high blood pressure, and a visit to the Doctor put it down to stress levels.  It's just terrible.

And now breathe.  Nicer things have also happened in the last week.  I've got a new job, a loan to another Government Department for a couple of years but a really interesting role and one I'm thrilled to have got.  I only applied on a whim because I didn't think I'd get it even though I'd have really liked it but I wanted to put a shot across the bows here where they were once again messing around and not treating me particularly well.  I'm sure the powers that be also didn't think I'd get the job because they signed off pretty begrudgingly – as my post was under review, they couldn't NOT allow me to apply for another job in case I didn't have one – and then spent a week pontificating about whether I could go or not.  But I can and when I do, I'll not be throwing a backward glance.

Other nice things – I'm so looking forward to a quiet weekend.  I bought myself a new computer last Saturday as the old one has been dying for a while, just doing it one step at a time.  I did get time to set it up last night and enjoyed the fact that I could edit just a couple of photos on it in a very small fraction of the time it used to take.  So I'm going to do lots of editing – yay – so I can finally put some of my photos from last year into albums. 

Back home and back to work

I've had a short break from the blog deliberately.  I decided that I wasn't going to just write all my frustrations about the divorce, or lack of it, and in particular my frustrations with simply how unreasonable one woman can be.  Fortunately for my sanity (and that of my very nice man), she has started to see sense and we are making some progress.  I say "we" despite it being nothing to do with me, but it does seem to dominate our lives. 

The break was also enforced by a long weekend in Cornwall.  It was really nice, we were so very lucky with the weather, with one day of slight showers in an otherwise sunny day and another day of glorious sunshine, even catching the sun on my nose – in February.  But the lasting memory I did come away with is that Cornwall is full of people who have an incredibly strong sense of entitlement.  I don't want to offend anyone, and indeed most of this is not aimed Cornish locals or "normal" people, but the people who take a house (or own a second home which they occasionally visit) and spend a week or more lording themselves around the place.  They drive inconsiderately, take up all the path when walking, express their opinions loudly to anyone who is in the vicinity, and generally spoil the place for everyone else.  I will confess that I judge people by looking at their clothes and listening to their accents – and can admit that not everyone who (female) is sporting the Breton look and has a cut glass accent is going to spoil my holiday but it did seem that most of them did.

I think my favourite was the woman who was wearing the stripy top, knee-high boots over skinny jeans and had a short silk scarf tied around her neck.  She spoke very loudly on her mobile phone for the entire journey on the Rock-Padstow foot ferry and announced to everyone how good the hotel was, how much work the builders had done on the cottage and how pleased everyone seemed to be that she'd got engaged last night (hapless fiancé was accompanying her on this trip).  And we had the misfortune to get the same ferry back when she was regaling someone with how wonderful the accessories were that she'd found in Rick Stein's quaint little shop.  I could at least take pleasure in noting that this quaint shop had dispatched her with a paper carrier bag which was nicely disintegrating in the rain.

I shouldn't be judgmental, I realise, but this sort of thing brings out the worst in me.  I'm not poor, at all by national standards, I have a responsible, well-paid job, my views and opinions are sought at work by senior colleagues – but once I'm out of the office, people like this manage to make me feel inferior to them. 

This doesn't mean I'm not going away again – we need to have more nice breaks.  I just might have to invest in my own stripy top first!

Weekend, much welcomed

So after a tiring (but not remarkable) week at work, I was looking forward to the weekend and managed to have a really enjoyable one.  Friday was due to be unremarkable but my very nice man was working from home so we were able to have some time together and also catch up with a friend at lunchtime as well as him getting done more reading than he could in the office.  We had a quiet Friday evening, cuddling on the sofa whilst watching American comedies and a very early night, both falling asleep before 10pm. 

Saturday we went to the Travel Show at Earl's Court.  If I didn't get free tickets from a magazine subscription, I wouldn't go as I don't think it's worth £12 entrance unless you knew you were going to book a trip that was highly discounted.  However, as I don't pay to get in, and I pay to commute into London each day so travel at the weekend doesn't cost any extra, I think it's an okay day out.  We went to listen to the photography talks and these were really good - particularly because there was a separate theatre for photography this year so they could give more time to those.  The celebrities weren't really an attraction, so we didn't bother with any other talks but did browse some stands and also get a half-price guidebook for my next exciting trip - El Salvador in November.  You may not be surprised that there aren't many books on El Salvador so I have 90 pages from Footprint which give me a little bit of information to help getting around.  We were pretty tired yesterday too so got home for dinner and more American TV (crime shows on a Saturday) and another early night.

This morning we woke up to lots of snow and with a heavy heart, my very nice man put off his daughter who's been living with him Sunday evenings to Thursday mornings and has booked a hotel near work because he's got to be there all week as he's leading work with lots of visitors expecting to see him.  He's headed off to get there before dark and whilst we've had a nice day, breakfast and late lunch together, with him going home in between to get a week's worth of clothes, it wasn't at all what we had planned. 

Myself, I've also got to think about work tomorrow - a little bit of snow gives a lot of scope for public transport to go wrong.  We were lucky on Saturday - partly by design because we didn't want to stay out too late - but reading comments on various websites, I can see people on my line were stuck in London waiting for trains on Saturday night and there have been delays today too.  I'm not foolish enough to think that I'm so important I have to be there tomorrow but I have a team and need to set an example. 

I'm posting this with a nervous eye on the rugby - Wales is in the lead with seconds to go.  Can we hold on - that'll be a nice end to a pleasant but somewhat odd weekend!