It's been a mad few weeks and I'm away recovering. Since the end of August, we have:
- decided we would like to move in together some time soon;
- had an offer accepted on a house before I'd even considered getting my place ready to go on the market;
- got my place valued, signed up with an estate agent and had the board put up the same day I had four families of friends coming over (some staying) for my birthday;
- got the mortgage approved and got a new bank account;
- got very cross with lots of people and told them if my move hadn't happened before I went went on holiday, it was is airing a fortnight until we got back;
- completed the process and got the keys very quickly after aforementioned cross-ness, such that I had to transfer chunks of money to the solicitor over the weekend before because I couldn't get to a bank and couldn't transfer enough at one go otherwise;
- moved in dribs and drabs, culminating with a van and three men who couldn't get the piano downstairs without reinforcements;
- accepted an offer on my place; and
- come away on holiday to my sort of place, dragging the very nice man with me but being concerned that he might not really enjoy.
So on return we have to get him moved and ....... well and then I don't know. Make it to Christmas?! I'm really loving the new place and looking forward to it being ours. By which I mean getting extra bits of furniture and choosing pictures. The holiday has on the whole gone well, although I did nearly kill him yesterday on a 8km walk with 500m decent then ascent when he had a dodgy tummy and it was hot. But we are watching the sunset tonight, with a beer and feeling very happy to have had such a good year this year. We both deserve it.
Proper post on the other side - home soon.
Very quickly, how, how, how, does it take WEEKS and WEEKS with nothing happening and then does it all just go mad when buying a house? We got the offer accepted at the end of August and nothing appeared to happen at all, including with me occasionally calling the solicitor to ask where things were. And suddenly, we're completing on Friday. If I was young enough it was definitely be a moment for OMG.
There are boxes, despite me having decided to pay packers (for an extra £200 when so much money has passed through my bank account it's scary), bags for charity, bags for recycling, piles of "stuff" I just don't know what to do with ......
And I've got to leave for work at half 6 tomorrow so I'm going to bed. Will report in when I've got a moment to breathe (oh but keep fingers crossed for the second viewing I have tomorrow when they might just want to buy my house??)
A post to cheer myself up. I've had a dodgy stomach, which is very unusual for me as I'm usually proud of my iron-like insides. I felt a bit rough on Monday but soldiered into work - and the biggest problem of the hour-and-a-half commute is that it's a long way to get back home if you don't feel good. And I didn't feel good. Throwing up in the loo at work is not a glamorous moment! I've done it once or twice when I was younger and more foolish but this was not for alcohol-induced reasons - nor am I pregnant, before yet someone else asks (four to date!!)
The last few weeks have been whirlwind on some fronts - thinking that we've got a house and that we're moving in together really soon and also life has been pretty busy - but not so whirlwind in that solicitors are not moving very quickly and so I've not got any dates to work to. Which means that it will all happy really quickly at some point soon but until then, I'm trying to sort out papers and bin things that I don't need. I'm not very good at that part - see earlier posts - and not having a deadline to work to isn't helping.
But other nice things have happened. We had a weekend in Paris where we were incredibly lucky with the weather. I had a Eurostar voucher as a present which nearly amounted to one ticket so we got hotel and one more ticket and had a nice weekend. We walked lots and were surprised how many tourists there still were around - I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised as London continues to be a nightmare, but it's different when you are the tourist!
Back to the grindstone - some sorting out to do before dinner .......
It's funny how quickly the world can change. So, I've (nearly) bought a new house, I've put mine on the market and I'm moving in with my very lovely man .... and his 17 yo daughter! Bet you didn't see that coming.
After the week in Cornwall, we went to Mallorca for 5 days. The 17 yo wanted to go away with us (and her boyfriend too). It seemed quite odd although as her mother booked a holiday to take the other two kids away without even telling her it was happening (she read on a siblings FB page) let alone even inviting her, I guess she wanted to feel wanted by her dad. Which was ok as far as it goes but she/they didn't really need us there. I don't lie in the sun, I like being away to see things and also to sit and relax (in the shade!) with a book. We could get a bus to Palma, which is a beautiful city and we strolled around and took lots of photos. But the resort was hideous - the worst of Brits abroad everywhere. I know I'm something of a snob and turn my nose up at the bare-chested men with a large collection of tattoos and I was expecting all that (we took the cheapest break we could because the kids were paying for themselves) but there were drunks falling down in the street in the mid afternoon and there was nowhere to eat that offered Spanish food. We found one bar run by Italians that was right on the beach and whilst the menu wasn't out of the ordinary, they put on specials each night based on what they had in that day. So we got seafood and salads and much more.
Anyway, before we went away, I'd noted that one of my neighbour's houses was for sale. We'd talked a little bit about moving in together after the divorce and to distract me from being annoyed about the ex being difficult at every turn, I thought I'd at least look around to see what there was. I live really near the station to commute to London which is really important because I don't want to add an additional bus or car journey to each end of what's already a long day. And we'd agreed years ago that he wouldn't move into my house because it has been my house for the best part of a decade before we got together so it wouldn't be fair on either of us. Anyhow, by the time we got back from holiday, the house price had been dropped a reasonable way. And when we talked about it, he said "well we could look" ......
How lethal is that! It was perfect. Near to the station, bedrooms for each of the kids (even the one who never visits - there'll be a sofa bed in that room!), open plan downstairs, which is what we wanted ...... So I did the sums and got the bank to agree finance even without selling mine, made an offer and it's mine (subject to the vendor's solicitors pulling their fingers out and doing things). My plans of slowly sorting through things I don't need here have become frantically quicker. Until I get quotes in from movers (why is it impossible to work out how much it costs - even ballpark), I can't work out whether I'm going to do it myself or pay someone else. If it's the former, I've got a lot of work to do just to get rid of things I really don't need and pack what I do have. It's a scary prospect.
On the D-word front, it's ticking away slowly. My lovely man is working away this week. He's sent her the final papers to sign so if she's done so, he can file for decree absolute fairly shortly. So we're keeping quiet about the house (as quiet as one can about a properly that's advertised in the paper). It doesn't mean she loses anything she's entitled to - indeed, in my humble opinion, she's already getting far more than she would be entitled to! - but we don't want to give her an excuse not to do things. She doesn't need any help with that at all.
So welcome to the madness of my world. I'm very much looking forward to it - but am quite scared too. Big steps!!
Where have I been? Literally, I've been to Cornwall last week and to a wedding the week before and when at home, I've not been at home very much. Metaphorically, I've been all over the place. Starting with the positive, my very lovely man has a decree nici. Just a few weeks and a financial order to the decree absolute. Stress on that front has plumeted some way but the ex (who I can finally really call the ex!) still messes him around at every opportunity. And he doesn't do much to argue with this. Whilst I know it's his choice how he deals with her, it does impact on me and also this is the best time for him to make his points because he's going to give her an outrageous amount of money to finalise the divorce - he has a hold over her right now. In future, it'll be even harder.
As you can see, the positive is only mindly positive. What I'm really struggling with is the feeling that I'm never at home and constantly everywhere other than here. The new job is really excellent - I'm loving it. This is a good place to be for the first time in a few years and that's great. The system we have is that we each get in early one day and late one evening. So there's one evening when I'm barely home and one when I want to get to bed early to get up at an un Godly hour. Which is all ok in itself. But my lovely man's daughter is now living with him, albeit 17 years old but she gets driven to school each day because he no longer lives in the catchment area. So when I'm not going to bed early or home quite late, I'm at his to be able to see him. Which means when I'm not at home asleep, I'm at his place. I want to spend time with him and I love doing it - we get on very well, no rows, always lots to say to each other - but I really feel like I'm all over the place all the time. Add in the fact that all our plans are aways changed by the ex changing her - and by extension his - plans. Things feel mad.
So there's just no time to sit let alone sit and blog. There is a light at the end of the tunnel but it's a way away. We are thinking about moving in together - yes I know this is obvious for others but has taken a while because of the scars left by the ex. And it's all worked very well with us both being in our own places. Until his daughter moved in - who's fine, not at all a problem, is nice, polite etc but the added responsibility is telling. After a week in sunny Spain (with the 17 year old and her boyfriend - my first shout being "how much do holidays cost in school holidays??"), I've got something of a quiet summer ahead, lots of working from home and hopefully the space around the edges (when I've saved 3 hours a day commuting) to get my house in the state I want it, and then in a state to sell it. Or something like that. Things will be easier soon, I hope.
It's been ages between postings again and it's hard to say why. I'm so so tired all the time at the moment, not because I'm not sleeping and not really because I'm doing excessive amounts. It's not just me, my very nice man is suffering much more - his we can definitely put down to stress. D-word continues to be a pain and then some. And also the messing things around. From nowhere a text yesterday saying she'd forgotten that 12 yr old son is away on an activity next Sunday (his weekend at his dad's) so he'll need to be brought home un-Godly early on Sunday morning. Oh but he can come over on Friday night - but after lots of problems with Friday night and Saturday morning activities, weekends have been changed to run Sat - Mon rather than Fri - Sun ....... but that's got to change again. Hopefully he's going to put his foot down, I do wish he would because he gets walked all over. But his logic is that she'll take it out on the kids if she's angry (not physically I hasten to add, just being in a bad mood) and she'll also bad mouth him again - all of which is probably true but so not fair.
So that's a first para and a half - maybe I'm a bit more stressed with it all than I think I am. There are lots of nice things going on too. The new job is going well, I'm enjoying it and those above are pleased with what I'm doing so that's all good. The nice weather always makes the world feel better. I do get overheated quite easily but I'd still rather than the sun were shining than a cooler rainy day. This weekend we went to see some friends who are getting married in a couple of months and my v nice man is taking the photos. So we went to the venue to get some ideas. He's a bit worried about this being his first wedding shoot (he's taken lots of good photos at weddings but he's never been in charge before and he's worried about not getting a good set of photos - which is just silly because he takes excellent photos and it'll be great). I booked train tickets to go to the Edinburgh festival in August. It was an extra £30 to go First Class but I've decided that I deserve it (I'm staying with a friend so it's not like there are high accommodation costs). We're also planning to go to Paris for a weekend - my very sweet team gave me a voucher for the Eurostar for my leaving present so we're going exploit it. I've been to Paris twice - although we don't really count the first time, end of Inter Railing trip so it was August Bank Holiday weekend which was not a good start but we also saw our visit coincide with the Pope and it meant there were an extra half a million people at a Catholic Youth Convention as well as those who'd come to see him! The second time was really nice when I met a friend who was working in Brussels there and I'm hoping for a similar feel. We've found a weekend in September so fingers crossed for nice weather and not too many people.
But before that, it feels like I need to get my hammock out again and enjoy evenings in it in the garden - I know life's too short to get stressed so I need to behave like that too!
Rainy every day right at the moment. I don't have unrealistic expectations for British weather, I don't think, but really it's being very silly right now. I have been very wet very many time in the last weeks and it's also causing trouble with everything from floods to train delays.
The new job is going well, I'm enjoying being somewhere new and whilst it's not perfect and there are some problems there, these are new problems and at the moment, these don't feel like my problems. Things will change, they always do, but it's nice to be somewhere that has a better feel and somewhere where I feel I can add value and do something worthwhile.
Otherwise, my head is all over the place. I'm back to working 5 days a week so I'm tired and I'm also not into the right swing of things yet - I was used to doing 5 days in 4, which meant 4 long days, and I'm not yet into the swing of working 5 sensible length days, which isn't helping me. On top of that, the newness means my brain has a lot more to think about. But I am being more scatty than I should be and in a really bad way. I've been forgetting people I've met in my new job - this is not good and indeed embarassing as I'm usually so good with people and faces. I've also lost my rail ticket twice in six weeks (never previously in 13 years) and with 5 months left to run, it was an expensive loss. I did some serious grovelling, made many phone calls and fortunately by the rail company not understanding its own procedures, I was offered a further replacement and apology for being messed around. And I was told that under no circumstances would I get another one in the next 12 months, including in fire or theft. That has been quite stressful and I'm so relieved it's over.
But I don't know why I'm in quite the state I am. I'm doing anything that I haven't done myself before - work long hours, take on new things at work, be tired ...... but it's taking its toll. Maybe I'm old now! But I hope not, as I hope I have a way to go and if I keep getting more scatty each year, I'll have lost my mind before I get into my forties.
Divorce rumblings on - which can't help my state of mind either. Somehow she seems to get everything in a position of needing to make a mad, difficult decision very quickly, can't understand why it isn't sorted out, and then comes back saying that it can't happen any more and there's something else to be decided. My very nice man is tearing his hair out and gets very, very upset about it all - which breaks my heart because I can do nothing about that.
Looking forward, I'm counting the days until the Olympics - and going on holiday to avoid the transport chaos in London. I can't wait until I have a few days off to regain my mind. Some of it is hopefully still salvageable!
