Where have I been? Literally, I've been to Cornwall last week and to a wedding the week before and when at home, I've not been at home very much. Metaphorically, I've been all over the place. Starting with the positive, my very lovely man has a decree nici. Just a few weeks and a financial order to the decree absolute. Stress on that front has plumeted some way but the ex (who I can finally really call the ex!) still messes him around at every opportunity. And he doesn't do much to argue with this. Whilst I know it's his choice how he deals with her, it does impact on me and also this is the best time for him to make his points because he's going to give her an outrageous amount of money to finalise the divorce - he has a hold over her right now. In future, it'll be even harder.
As you can see, the positive is only mindly positive. What I'm really struggling with is the feeling that I'm never at home and constantly everywhere other than here. The new job is really excellent - I'm loving it. This is a good place to be for the first time in a few years and that's great. The system we have is that we each get in early one day and late one evening. So there's one evening when I'm barely home and one when I want to get to bed early to get up at an un Godly hour. Which is all ok in itself. But my lovely man's daughter is now living with him, albeit 17 years old but she gets driven to school each day because he no longer lives in the catchment area. So when I'm not going to bed early or home quite late, I'm at his to be able to see him. Which means when I'm not at home asleep, I'm at his place. I want to spend time with him and I love doing it - we get on very well, no rows, always lots to say to each other - but I really feel like I'm all over the place all the time. Add in the fact that all our plans are aways changed by the ex changing her - and by extension his - plans. Things feel mad.
So there's just no time to sit let alone sit and blog. There is a light at the end of the tunnel but it's a way away. We are thinking about moving in together - yes I know this is obvious for others but has taken a while because of the scars left by the ex. And it's all worked very well with us both being in our own places. Until his daughter moved in - who's fine, not at all a problem, is nice, polite etc but the added responsibility is telling. After a week in sunny Spain (with the 17 year old and her boyfriend - my first shout being "how much do holidays cost in school holidays??"), I've got something of a quiet summer ahead, lots of working from home and hopefully the space around the edges (when I've saved 3 hours a day commuting) to get my house in the state I want it, and then in a state to sell it. Or something like that. Things will be easier soon, I hope.
