I'm counting the days until my holiday. Two weeks today I'll be on a flight to Bangkok, which will take a full day by the time I've changed and have lost the time difference. I've booked myself on to a trip from Bangkok to Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) overland, just two weeks but the weather should be good (yes, I've seen the notice of flooding) and I'll be somewhere interesting that I've never been before.
However, I think that I'm counting the days because I'm not really enjoying work at the moment. We've been going through the same public sector grief as everyone else and that's not pleasant, but my real frustrations at the moment come with my boss and colleagues not engaging and not making time for the really important job of putting people into posts and then managing them - we don't have great staff but we have to performance manage our staff in the right way.
I'm need to work out how to deal with work or what to do next instead. But right now, I'm enjoying the run up to my holiday - looking at what I can see from my raft of guidebooks and planning what to take and what to do. This will more than usefully occupy me for now and maybe when I'm relaxed, I can think about work.
Saturday 5 November 2011
Thursday 3 November 2011
Being happy
I've just read Lesley's post which includes her worries about being happy and it made me mull over how my very nice man and I have spent some time discussing how odd it sometimes feels for us to be happy and contented. I think he spends more time being surprised about it than I do as his ex is/was not easy to be with and in hindsight he knows that he wasn't happy for a large proportion of his marriage.
We can be soppy - when he asks if I'm ok, my answer is usually "of course because I'm with you" and I really do mean it. And when he worries about how things are going to play with me, I have to remind him that I rarely get upset with him because it isn't in his nature to do things to upset me. (Worse fault I can think of is that he's a bit rubbish at planning which does wind me up as that's the worst I can say, I know I should hold on tight to him).
By constrast, I had to remind myself that in my previous relationship I was happy at times and it wasn't just in my head, he'd written me letters (when I lived abroad and email wasn't as easy to find) that said he was happy with me too. That didn't last and again with the 20:20 vision of hindsight, I know it wasn't right for a while but at the time I didn't want us to split up and I wanted to be with him.
The saddest thing that I struggle with is when I can see that friends aren't happy. Of course, you never see inside someone else's relationship entirely but when you feel that someone else seems to be unhappy more often than they are happy, and you hear about their woes, it's so very hard not to say "just leave him" or even more tactfully "are you sure you're doing the right thing". Because it would,of course,be the worst thing to do and would probably signal the end of the friendship.
But tonight I'm happy being happy and happy being me.
We can be soppy - when he asks if I'm ok, my answer is usually "of course because I'm with you" and I really do mean it. And when he worries about how things are going to play with me, I have to remind him that I rarely get upset with him because it isn't in his nature to do things to upset me. (Worse fault I can think of is that he's a bit rubbish at planning which does wind me up as that's the worst I can say, I know I should hold on tight to him).
By constrast, I had to remind myself that in my previous relationship I was happy at times and it wasn't just in my head, he'd written me letters (when I lived abroad and email wasn't as easy to find) that said he was happy with me too. That didn't last and again with the 20:20 vision of hindsight, I know it wasn't right for a while but at the time I didn't want us to split up and I wanted to be with him.
The saddest thing that I struggle with is when I can see that friends aren't happy. Of course, you never see inside someone else's relationship entirely but when you feel that someone else seems to be unhappy more often than they are happy, and you hear about their woes, it's so very hard not to say "just leave him" or even more tactfully "are you sure you're doing the right thing". Because it would,of course,be the worst thing to do and would probably signal the end of the friendship.
But tonight I'm happy being happy and happy being me.
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