It's a marathon not a sprint

Wow, where is this year going?  And how hard are we working to get through it?  Not just at the 9-5 (oh and I wish, 9-5 would be bliss, even with the 15 hours commuting) but at just staying ahead of everything that needs to be done in life. This week has ended in the ludicrous position that I've got a quote for a cleaner, finally, and I've not had time to make the final arrangements. So when I get home tonight (on my way back from work now at half 8) I'm going to have to clean the bathroom because I've been noticing the dust for days but there is no prospect of someone else doing it for ages.

So must get my priorities in order although I am doing that equally badly at work now. As evidenced by my leaving so late tonight and several other nights.

The sun is shining which makes life easier. Although weather has also been somewhat muggy which means I've woken many mornings with a headache and I've had many "glasses days" in recent weeks.

It's not all gloom. A mate from Australia was over visiting family and friends for a few days. He was in this hemisphere for longer but just had a few days around here. So we were able to have a couple of hours catch up which was nice. I've finally reclaimed my diary a little to do things I've been meaning to for ages - seen a friend for dinner and oodles of red wine, go to the cinema and even spend some evenings on the sofa just doing nothing.

I'm hoping for a quiet summer. Well it would be nice. My nice man is away for a week so I will have some me time and space. Hopefully post cleaner!!

How is it only Tuesday??

I'm suffering from long days and weeks but at the same time, my life flying by so quickly. My very lovely man and I looked at each other at the weekend and said "how is it June already", but apparently it is. There are some long days in the office, but that's ok cos there are only some and I'm loving the job still. There are evenings with lots of stuff but that's also ok cos I enjoy things I do and I've made some careful choices so I am doing things where I'm treated properly and doing things I'm enjoying. (In that, sometimes as a volunteer, you can be taken advantage of in a way you wouldn't put up with at work.)

But the year is hurtling by. There are still diary clashes and confusions which mean his ex and the kids still manage to screw up our lives but as I'm being a bit more in control of what I do, the direct impact on me is less. Selfish maybe but a necessary survival technique.  I've also met some new friends and got closer to some friends who were previously probably just acquaintences. That feels nice, meeting new people is less frequent as a "grown up".

I want to make some plans. Including Christmas, we are hoping to go to New Zealand in January. That'll be wonderful. But even doing that just takes more time.

So if I could have a few extra hours in the days, occasionally for sleeping not doing anything else. That'd be nice. Pretty please. !!

Grrr teenagers!!

Suddenly getting teenagers is confusing. Fortunately I don't have much responsibility for them but they have enough impact on my life that I have to engage and I often don't get it.

My very lovely man tells me that I must have been an odd child. I don't think so and indeed as many of my friends were as odd as me when they were younger, it makes me feel less sure. His kids are generally nice. Generally well natured and polite (although none have an internal filter so they can say anything and often do). However, they have no sense of money, no value of anything and are very materialistic but nothing ever lasts. They can't keep a penny in their pocket - their savings accounts from their grandparents were long ago spent by their mother and they've never been encouraged to save at all - and having the new thing is so very important to them.

The money thing I find tiring. The eldest is off to uni in September - if she gets her grades but that's another story - and despite knowing for a few months that her loan won't even cover her accommodation, she hasn't saved anything. She has most recently taken to buying clothes from a second-hand site on Facebook - which she justifies as being cheaper than buying the same things brand new. We could afford to give her money each month (and indeed will give her a small amount) but that will mean cutting back on holidays and things I enjoy for her to squander our hard-earned cash.

But actually that just irritates me rather than making me cross. What makes me cross is the disposable nature of everything.  Most of what I own has been built up over the last 15 years. I started with second-hand, hand-me-down furniture and bought new when I could afford it and actually have never had to replace anything. The sofa is 14 years old, the fridge is 15, my plates and bowls were bought over 2 years, something new when I could afford it. And it's been looked after. So to see them disregard my things is really annoying. The response to any challenge is "I'll buy a new one if I break it" is also annoying because, of course, that's not the point. Firstly some of these things aren't available any more - my inexpensive BHS china collection for example - and I don't want to take money from them. I want something that is above monetary value - respect, for me and my property.

On most days it doesn't make me very cross but when I've got home from work late to cook dinner for a sick boyfriend and am greeted with spillages that haven't been mopped up, dishes not washed up and not even in the dishwasher, floors that need sweeping hours after I last swept ..... It does make me say "grr, teenagers".

Blogger app, yay!!

Ok, I might be back properly now. I've got an app for blogger which allows me to type whereas I couldn't from the webpage.

So, what've I been up to. Living together continues to have its ups and downs. Ups are being together, waking up together, eating together, knowing there's nowhere else to be or to be thinking about ..... Downs include teenagers! And anything that involves organisation, partly because my very lovely man doesn't do advance planning but also because the kids, coupled with the ex, manage to screw up my life and plans regularly without trying too hard.

But I've got control of my diary and I am trying to exploit this for my own good. I've been living week to week but around others' plans which really isn't me. I used to be someone who knew what I was doing weeks in advance and I need that sometimes. It feels like I've not been making the moat of life, the cleaning needs to be done but not always at weekends, I've got lots of dear friends who also have busy lives and catching up involves effort.

So I've tracked what's supposed to be happening and planned around it, dinner with friends, nights out, trying to strike a balance between fun and too busy. Lets see if I've got it right!!

Catching up again

Once again I've been away for a while.  I don't understand why I can't update other than being on a "real" computer.  But enough moans.

The living together thing has had its ups and downs in the last few weeks.  Many downs and many adjustments - and fortunately we seem to have come out the other side.  None of the issues with my lovely man but his eighteen-year-old daughter.  Who is fine - I mean, the Daily Mail would not find anything to write about her, she's not terrorising the neighbourhood and isn't getting pregnant to claim benefits.  But there are lots of things that are just niggles, which mount up to become bigger and bigger if one's not careful.

For example, she's incredibly thoughtless, as I understand all teenagers are.  And doesn't see things.  So will just leave dirty dishes around and expect the fairies to move them.  And not think it's ever her turn to do the washing up or to load the dishwasher.  Her room is an absolute bombsite, which I can live with because I don't see it, but she doesn't do any washing, cleaning, and in being lazy, there is damage caused, such as leaving towels to ruin the surface of the furniture.  That is what annoys me.  Oh and leaving on lights, appliances (including her electric blanket - and I could have crowned her grandparents when she opened that present on Christmas day!) and not putting food back into the fridge or covering things, not considering wastage, the usual!

At the same time, she wants to go to uni in September - although with a D and an E in her last round of modular exams, that might not be a forgone conclusion.  But that does at least mean just a couple more months.  She drives her father just as far up the wall as she does me.  And of course, on a good day, she can be fine and pleasant and nice.  

Having lived on my own for over a decade, I knew that moving in with other people would be an adjustment.  I am incredibly messy by nature and I'm making a huge effort to keep the place tidy - I want it to be tidy and my very lovely man does too, and I do think it's worth it.  But when she then has no regard or respect, it really makes me see red!

But as I say, it's getting better.  Partly because we're both finding our balance.  Partly because she's learning what she can and can't get away with when living with me (her father likes an easy life but it can't be like that, we need to be fair to each other).  It's all a but challenging but we're getting there.

Otherwise, I've realised I've not got any exciting holidays planned this year.  Next year, we're going to go to New Zealand in January so it's a while and an expensive one.  But this year, I only have a short trip planned so far (weekend away for friend's 40th birthday in Germany, where he lives).  So ......

Mrs Grumpy Pants

I've been having a bit of a run of it.  There's something about the weather, something about the time of year, and something about what feels like everything conspiring against me.

So to get it down in the hope of getting it out of my system and starting at the end: my car has a crack in the windscreen, which developed from a small chip which was so small I'd forgotten about it so I'm kicking myself but it's really annoying; the windscreen therefore needs replacing (with £75 excess) which they can do after 1pm tomorrow, meaning I'm going into London for a 9.30am meeting, coming back at 11am and then working from home for some of the day; I've still got the cold that left me house-ridden for a week after Christmas (I now share an office in the interests of space saving and I didn't want to inflect my staff); the i-pad (his i-pad) and my phone don't let me update my blog so I'm not getting stuff down as often as I'd like; and I'm really, really struggling with the house-sharing thing at the moment.

I think all of the above is making me grumpy but it's the latter than is really killing me.  We hosted the 18th birthday party for v nice man's eldest who lives with us - which in the grand scheme of went very well, she wanted her dad's band to play in the front room so we were allowed to be there, which kept my mind at rest.  Just two lots of vomitting on the floor (both on tiles so easy to clean), a couple of spilled drinks (again in areas easy to clean) and one couple we threw out of a spare bedroom for ....... well you can guess (they were relatively respectable at the time).  But it took ages to prepare for, putting away breakables and the nice alcohol (my malt whisky, nice red wine) and even longer to clear up from.  But hey, they are only 18 once right and her mum had been flaky as usual and she'll appreciate what you do right ......

So last week she says to her dad that she's feeling a bit unhappy at home because she feels she's getting nagged all the time to do things.  [Please note, she told us originally that she doesn't notice stuff sometimes - which is v true - so we should ask for help if we want it.]  And we don't cook food she likes.  [This child doesn't like: raw peppers, potatoes in any form other than chips or mash, green beans, Thai curry - a new one, roast dinner.]  And she is feeling miserable. 

Me, I'm feeling something like the little red hen, as my dad would say to us occasionally when we were growing up.  Between my v nice man and I, we have strengths and weaknesses.  I freely admit that I am not tidy by nature.  I'm trying really hard to be because I like the house better when it's tidy but it does involve effort.  I'm good at keeping the place clean - even when my own house was messy, it was clean.  He's not so much with the cleannig but he will load the dishwasher every evening and tidy up and he's excellent about doing washing and even does my ironing (my v v small amount of ironing, I buy non-iron where I can).  So I can live with cleaning more because he does other things.  But the teenager does but does v little, bordering on nothing.  And I could live with occasionally prodding her to get things moving.  But now apparently that's taboo.

Actually that's an exaggeration.  This is not going to stay like that.  He has had a word with her already and will come down harder if needed because this one annoys him as much as me.  But today, right now, whilst I'm in my grumpy mood, I've just got home to plates on the side, dishwasher full after last night, shoes in the hallway (which are now on her bed, because that's where everything goes for her to deal with) and I'm looking forward to pasta for dinner which isn't my favourite but is just about all she'll eat. 

And breathe.  And it'll all be already soon.  But right now, Mrs Grumpy Pants is going to have a large glass of red and do things that I want to do......

Happy New Year - and goodbye 2012

Happy new year all.  Hope you had a good 2012.  2012 certainly moved my life on in leaps and bounds.  I went from living on my own and doing what I wanted, albeit in a happy relationship where I did consider my other half, to living with not just my very lovely man and also his 17 yo daughter.  I don't think that I've fully settled in to what that means yet - we're all still being polite to each other and we've still got some boxes to unpack so I think that there'll be more from that to come.  I've moved into a job I really enjoy after a couple of years of doing a job I could do standing on my head but that gave me no enjoyment in a place that was not motivating or even happy.  I had some lovely times with friends and some lovely holidays, capped by El Salvador in early November (El Sunzal is a beach and a break on the Pacific coast, to answer your question Lesley!)

I'm looking forward to 2013 but there is some trepidation too.  I've got a busy January ahead already looking at my diary and so I'm conscious that I should not overstretch or exhaust myself (I seem to have picked up a post-Christmas cough which I'm hating already).  I want more trips and travel - well I always want more holidays - and I'm thinking about where I want to go carefully to make the most of my leave.  There are things I want to do with the house - starting off with my unpacking the final 4 or 5 boxes in the office/music room (sounds much more glamorous that it is - it's the not quite converted garage which is another job I'd like to take on and do properly).  

That's a good start yes?!

Christmas has been quiet and very fun.  We had faux Christmas when 2 of the 3 kids came to stay with my very nice man (I'm not going to dwell on why it was only two and what the evil ex did to ensure that one didn't come, which really, really upset my very nice man and was truly horrid at Christmastime).  And then the kids were dropped at/near their mother's on 23 December and we were on our own until 27 December.  We dropped in on friends at their open house evening on Christmas Eve but otherwise didn't go anywhere and more importantly we didn't drive very far which gave both of us a welcome break.  The weather was quite hit and miss but we had a fab walk on Sunday 30 December with friends which made me feel virtuous and also made me think "we should do this more often" - as I always do when we get out.  But that should be a resolution of sorts (I don't really do resolutions).

I am going to spend more quality time with my friends this year.  More time would be good but making it good quality so that we get time to talk in the way we used to.  Years go past so quickly and at the end of the year, I can sometimes think I've wasted time with people who I don't really want to see and have not seen those I really care about.  Try harder next year.

And blog more!  I enjoy it and I've been pants for the last few months.  There's one to hold me to account for!!