Thanking Crunchie that it's Friday

It's been a long week.  For no real reason I guess.  Monday the trains were PANTS - I got to the station and there was nothing running anywhere, and no information from anyone of course.  I went away for an hour and had a drink and some dinner - even if they'd have announced a train, I wouldn't have got anywhere near it.  And on return, I hung about for the 2023, which was cancelled at 2050, then sat on the 2123 (2107 disappeared without discussion), heard an announcement by the driver that it wasn't going anywhere until at least 2200 and then the station announcement said we should give up and go on a different line and have rail replacement buses.  Left work at 1845, got home at 2325. 

Tuesday, I went to some leaving drinks - for that infamous 1 drink - and didn't get home until midnight.  Fortunately not too much alcohol consumed but have now reached the age when tiredness can make me feel just as crap as the hangover. 

Wednesday, I was good and at home and in bed by 9pm after a (soft) drink with a friend and dinner.  And Thursday, I was home by 2pm after my headache had got to unbearable and not quite to time to start vomitting but that wasn't something the rest of the office needed to see.  Not really sure why that happened.  So I'm having my usual Friday off, moving slowly, relaxing and trying to find a balance between getting things done and not making myself ill again. 

I'm sitting at my kitchen table surrounded by photos from a trip to Russia in 2009.  I've been trying to sort out the "stuff" that I have at home.  I'm a hoarder - not anywhere as bad as any of those you see on the hideous Channel 5 shows, but I do keep lots of sentimental stuff - and I'm trying to sort out what I want to keep and what can go.  And within what can be kept, how should it be kept.  There's no point in drawers of ticket stubbs or programmes from the theatre.  I'm putting things together - and getting rid of the things that I have more than one of and getting rid of the blurry photos that are never going to end up in albums.  And right now, sticking photos into albums along with postcards, ticket stubbs, business cards and other bits and pieces that I brought back from far flung places.

Progress has been relatively slow - I had 8 months off a few years ago (2006-7) and those photos only got into albums last year.  Last month I finished Syria 2008 and now it's 2009.  There are still things from last Millennium and also from before early 2000s but I'm making progress and I'm proud of me for that.  I'm not doing it for anyone else - friends are welcome to look at albums but no one ever really wants to look at all your holiday stuff in the way that you do.  I enjoy looking through, smiling and laughing about what happened when and where, and I do use them for that. 

Incredibly selfish - and incredibly important for me.  So I'm getting back to it!

Long week!

I'm sitting in bed on Sunday morning, having watched the Andrew Marr programme and am willing myself to get up and get on with all the stuff I need to do.  I can see the blue sky through the opening in the curtains and that's a nice thought as we're having a street party today.  The street party is a mix of fun and hard work - I don't know my neighbours as well as I'd like and a get together gives an opportunity to do so, but when you don't know people as well, the socialising is a little harder.  But I have very nice neighbours and it's worth doing.

The week has been very hectic, although I'm not really sure why.  My very nice man had been working away last week - Singapore which is a 7 hour time difference and a real killer because you struggle to speak because either I had to stay up until midnight to catch him when he was getting up or he had to stay up even later to catch me when I got in from work.  But hey, it was only a week.  I saw him on Monday and Tuesday, had a friend over for dinner on Tuesday, went to his parents for dinner on Thursday and caught up with a friend on Friday (when I don't work because I do long days on Mon-Thu to get all my hours in on those days instead).  And then yesterday I went to a friend's son's birthday party and to see a band play.  And now it's Sunday and October is only around the corner next week!

Wednesday was lovely.  The friend over for dinner was someone I've known for about 10 years and we have alternated as being closest friends and barely seeing each other.  He set off round the world last year and ended up stopping in Australia, partly because as a teacher, he could get a working visa.  I hate the cliches about "finding yourself" but he's really done that whilst he's been away - in particular, come to terms with some stuff about himself which has done him the world of good, and also has explained SO many things about life in the past.  We met up when I was in Australia and had a really, really good heart-to-heart, confronted each other about stuff and worked out how we were going to be friends.  And it seems to be working.  He was passing through for two weeks and we only caught up twice, once in passing and once just the two of us, and it's all working well.  I'm loving it.  And hoping it'll last, no reason to believe otherwise yet.

I am having trouble with another friend at the moment.  I'm not the only one and I'm not sure why.  He seems to be quite absent, hard to get in touch with (unless he needs to speak to you and then is very persistent), doing the bare minimum to get things done for a group of us ..... and the big part is that this isn't what he's usually like.  Well I say usually, but this has gone for a good couple of months (actually thinking about it, since the turn of the year, which is nearer ten months, I realise now).  He doesn't do confrontation - I've observed previously how he's not said things to people rather than possibly cause upset, which of course in the long run causes more upset.  It is driving me crazy.  I've asked a few times if there's anything going on that means he can't do x, y or z that we're trying to get sorted out.  And he's not answered. 

Yesterday I had a chat with another friend who's suffering in the same way with him.  We've done that quite a bit recently.  I'm trying to work out the next step.  I will say something but it has to be at the right time so as not to be confrontational etc.  ButI want to get past this, it's irritating to start with!!

Anyhow, today is running away from me, I should get up and at it.

Weird weekend

I've had a busy weekend but it has seemed to be the climax of a lot of weirdness.  I went down to South Wales to see a friend, which was very nice but I have some bad associations with being down there, not at all related to her and indeed she knows very little about the issue, so I always feel a little on edge when I'm down there.  We didn't do at all what we planned but nevertheless had a really fun time but that contributed to my feeling off kilter all weekend.

My very nice man is in Singapore for work.  The internet, my smart phone, Skype, Facebook, it all means that it's so much easier - and cheaper - to be in touch than was possible a few years ago, but he hates being away.  He's a home bod generally and he doesn't like living in hotels.  He doesn't enjoy flying, which is a pain for someone who has to make 12+ work flights a year, and he struggles with jet lag.  So all in all he's not a happy bunny.  I want to cheer him up but sometimes it's a little trying.  The seven-hour time difference makes it tricky - either I have to stay up til midnight to speak to him first thing when his day starts or he stays up very late (2am or later) to speak to me as soon as I get home from work.  So not the best time to have a conversation.

I'm bored at work, that's obvious, and when I'm bored, I think about stuff.  The current project is considering my financial position, both so I'm secure now and also that I have myself sorted for my old age.  I work in the public sector and pensions are a hot topic at the moment.  I do accept that I'll have to pay more for my pension, I get that, but when it comes when I've not had a pay rise for 2 years and have AT LEAST two more years to look forward to without another one, surely the public can understand that it is hard for people.  (Not getting into the strike conversation here, but I'm not supportive of that position.)  Anyhow, I've been looking into what I should do with money now which won't leave me strapped now if I don't have a job in future months - it's a possibility - and at the same time, what will help me with my pension income.  It hurts the brain!  I've been running through lots of scenarios and options in my head.

Yesterday's weirdness, was that a friend texted to say him and his other half had got married and would I like to come to a party.  The party showed that it was a bit more planned than I'd first thought - in that, family was aware (of course), they'd bought new clothes and also suited up all the kids, some friends had known and as I'd just got back from a weekend away, I felt a little out of place as one of only a few not in a posh frock. 

I was pleased for them, I genuinely was - they've been together for 10 years and marriage was important to her whilst he wasn't bothered ("we've both said we'll stay with someone 'til death do us part before and it didn't work out, what's the point of doing it again") and I know that they're happy together.  But it burst a balloon I had - I'm really not sure that my very nice man will ever want to get married (getting divorced would be a start) but I'd thought in my head that if I ever got married, I'd want to just sneak off and do it and tell everyone later.  I can honestly say I've enjoyed very few weddings that I've been to, those of my closest friends have possibly been the worst and I'd not want to inflict that one anyone else.  My family's very small so I'd really only tell my parents and sister, no one else.  But now it feels like they've stolen my plan, even though it's not really a plan that is genuine, it's not one that I know I'll ever carry out.  However, it was mine.

So I'm feeling rather grumpy this Sunday - and guilty about being grumpy - and also that the world is a lot more weird than I thought it was.

Stop - hammock time

As part of the aim to be a better blogger ......

It's been a lovely weekend.  Weather-wise I mean.  We're so lucky that the weather has decided to play ball for a little longer.  I mean, I'm not expecting too much, I don't need ninety degrees in the shade, I'm happy to be outside in a jumper and jeans in August just so long as I can get a bit of sun on my face and a clear blue sky.  That's not too bad, is it. 

A few years ago I had some time out - a grown-up Gap year, that lasted 33 weeks.  I first taught English in Central America and then travelled pretty extensively in South America.  And came back with wonderful memories and two hammocks.  I got very attached to sleeping in hammocks when I was away and bought a couple to bring home.  I wouldn't have believed I'd sleep in the so well, I'm a fussy sleeper who tosses and turns a lot going to sleep but in a hammock I didn't try (you can't really move too much but somehow I didn't want to, and it wasn't because I was sleeping badly at all). 

Four years later, I have FINALLY got around to having some work done in my garden, including putting in some posts from which to hang the hammock.  It turned out to be a strike of genius before all the kids were over for my birthday but there weren't many (indeed any) opportunities for me to try out the hammocks. 

But now, I've got the hammock and I can just pop out for half an hour and lie in it, rock back and forth and read the paper or do something else just for me.  I don't mind that it's not that warm - I can live with that.  I've slept in it in a sleeping bag so taking a blanket out isn't a problem.  It's just very self indulgent, I'm saying that I'm going to be out there for a little while and I can't pretend that I'm doing something else.  Me time just for me. 

So, excuse me, hammock calling - got to make the most of it whilst weather's permitting!

Old friends, hundreds of kids ......

It was my birthday at the weekend and as I'd not done anything for years, I decided to have a party.  I gave my old uni friends an early heads up and 6 out of the 7 of them could make it, so I thought that it'd be nice for it just to be us.  A small group, lots of chatting and catching up.  Couple of glasses of wine to relax, nice chats, sitting in the garden - very civilised.

But I'd forgotten one key point - they now all come with so many other people.  Other halves and kids - hundreds of them.  Ok, so hundreds is a bit of an exaggeration but there were 4 husbands and ten children, of which six were 4 and under!  None of the girls have ever been the best at making plans and sticking to them, so I was in a marvellous position with people arriving at 10am (which became 1115), 1130, "lunchtime", and "early afternoon" - but all were coming for food.  I went for a straightforward jacket potatoes and bolognaise sauce (with a small pot of veggie curry for the vegetarian) - but there were a good number of fussy eaters so some didn't like potatoes, some didn't like bolognaise ...... oh and some had to eat much earlier than we were going to eat (despite people arriving later than they'd said and indeed not really telling me when they were coming). 

None of the above really annoyed me.  Lots of it have been characteristics of my friends for years - crap at communication, always late - and I've learned to ignore it.  The one I found really hard was that is was almost impossible to actually speak to my friends.  Now, it's always going to be difficult when there are a lot of people around.  But there was no hope.  Distractions by children, other halves - mainly children it has to be said.  I ended up sitting and people watching - at my own party!!  This didn't upset me, but I did step away from it all and look at the different ways my friends interact with their children.

There was the 9 year old, who, bless her, ended up picking up the younger ones and taking them in and out of one of my two hammocks.  (My hammocks, souvenirs from a holiday over 4 years ago, have just had their first outings as I've put posts into the back garden tfrom which o hang them.)  The kids loved the hammocks and it was pretty inspired.  Her sisters (two of the next three in age) were pretty good and played with balls and stuff quietly.  When the others had left (their parents were staying), they all wanted to sit up and listen to grown-up talk.  Which was actually fine - they sat quietly, we put a little bit of thought into what we were saying (no swearing, no gossip they shouldn't repeat) but it was lovely.

And the rest ..... at the other end of the age scale, the youngest but one needed lots of parental attention because he was a bit too young and delicate for the others to play with.  The parents took it in turns to walk him around and kick a ball to him but he ate everything, didn't sleep when he was supposed to because it was all too exciting, and didn't cry or moan at all. 

In the middle, it appears that my friends struggle to parent.  They failed to give their kids the right sort of attention but also failed to communicate with the adults either.  When they started a conversation, the kids interrupted or the parents got distracted by something that the kids were doing.  And had to run after them.  But the when kids wanted someone to do something with them, like kick a football about or similar, they weren't doing that either.  My very nice man went in goal for a short time and one of the boys suddenly became his best friend, following him about for doing something that none of the dads would do.

I did have a lovely birthday.  And I had some lovely time with my friends at some points in the day.  But I've yet to work out how exactly how we should now interact because we're not the same - and indeed now they're parents, some of them are very very different.  Hmm.

Bad blogger

I'd never intended to be this bad at blogging, honest! I don't like that I can't update the blog from my phone, why, I don't understand. And when I get home at night, after spending all day in front of a computer screen, I have no urge to turn the computer on and start typing.

I've messed about with a few posts to update about the things I've been doing in the last few weeks. I went to Edinburgh for the Fringe and had a lovely time - after I survived the journey, 10 hours from office (in London) to get to my friend's flat, she'd gone to bed and left the key under the mat. I spent a day taking myself to see shows that took my fancy and saw Worbey & Farrell, a pair of superb pianists who take the comedy piano duets to a new level, not just swapping seats and batting each other out of the way but mixing cocktails whilst playing, and I also saw the Rom Com Con, a free show with two budding young actresses from Cambridgeshire who were testing the theory that Rom Coms just make it all up. And my friend and I had pre-booked Rich Hall (v funny man, much better than when on Have I Got News For You), Fred Macaulay (much ruder than when he's on the radio!) and Mitch Benn who was superb. My favourite moment was his Macbeth rap, in the style of Eminem and with backing recorded on his i-phone as he went on - to demonstrate what Shakespeare would have been doing were he alive today!

I also went to Cornwall with my very nice man and his previously nice but now more difficult 11 year old. That's the end of trips like that, unfortunately, and not just because it was hard work on our side. We stayed with a friend of mine, who has a 2½ year old. I've known her for 13 years and we've got on very well all that time. Since she's had the child, it's been tricky because the child is all consuming - he doesn't seem to be a difficult child but she's found him very demanding. But she dotes on him and makes him the centre of - nay, the only thing in - her life. It makes visiting tricky because you can't spend any time with her. Her other half is a nice enough guy but doesn't do much with the child at all, partly because he seems struggle to know what to do with him although that has changed now he's not a baby any more. And partly because she won't let anyone else do things with the child. She's still breast feeding - at 2½, I'm trying not to judge - which means she's never had a night away from him but also won't let anyone else do things to help.

Anyway, add this to the fact that the 11 year old has just started to be awkward, the trip was not easy. He wants to be with his dad when we're away - of course that's very understandable - although he's happy to have other people around. Except me. But it got taken to an extreme - take the day we went into the town for him to look for presents for his mum and sisters, I opted to get a newspaper and sit in a cafe. I would have hated shopping with anyone and it was a perfect dad and son opportunity. But the boy had a face on the whole time; in the end, when it was drawn out of him, he said he thought it was just going to be him and his dad. And the thing that confused us all was it was just him and his dad - they had two hours (when he was miserable) entirely without me. And of course, because we were staying with a friend of mine, my very nice man had money to spend on activities, which they also did on their own without me!

But I've booked another nice holiday for me. Unfortunately without the lovely man but he's both broke and can't get away from work. But I'm going to take me to get a flash view of Asia - a dash through Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam in 2 weeks. In November/December, when the weather there is supposed to be the best and it'll give me some summer sun in the winter, yay for me. I love going away and I need to always have a trip to look forward to. I know I'm incredibly to still be able to do this post credit crunch but I don't spend much on other things - not on clothes or nights out or my house (all nice but nothing new in ...... well ages) - so I can splurge. Lucky me!