I've had a busy weekend but it has seemed to be the climax of a lot of weirdness. I went down to South Wales to see a friend, which was very nice but I have some bad associations with being down there, not at all related to her and indeed she knows very little about the issue, so I always feel a little on edge when I'm down there. We didn't do at all what we planned but nevertheless had a really fun time but that contributed to my feeling off kilter all weekend.
My very nice man is in Singapore for work. The internet, my smart phone, Skype, Facebook, it all means that it's so much easier - and cheaper - to be in touch than was possible a few years ago, but he hates being away. He's a home bod generally and he doesn't like living in hotels. He doesn't enjoy flying, which is a pain for someone who has to make 12+ work flights a year, and he struggles with jet lag. So all in all he's not a happy bunny. I want to cheer him up but sometimes it's a little trying. The seven-hour time difference makes it tricky - either I have to stay up til midnight to speak to him first thing when his day starts or he stays up very late (2am or later) to speak to me as soon as I get home from work. So not the best time to have a conversation.
I'm bored at work, that's obvious, and when I'm bored, I think about stuff. The current project is considering my financial position, both so I'm secure now and also that I have myself sorted for my old age. I work in the public sector and pensions are a hot topic at the moment. I do accept that I'll have to pay more for my pension, I get that, but when it comes when I've not had a pay rise for 2 years and have AT LEAST two more years to look forward to without another one, surely the public can understand that it is hard for people. (Not getting into the strike conversation here, but I'm not supportive of that position.) Anyhow, I've been looking into what I should do with money now which won't leave me strapped now if I don't have a job in future months - it's a possibility - and at the same time, what will help me with my pension income. It hurts the brain! I've been running through lots of scenarios and options in my head.
Yesterday's weirdness, was that a friend texted to say him and his other half had got married and would I like to come to a party. The party showed that it was a bit more planned than I'd first thought - in that, family was aware (of course), they'd bought new clothes and also suited up all the kids, some friends had known and as I'd just got back from a weekend away, I felt a little out of place as one of only a few not in a posh frock.
I was pleased for them, I genuinely was - they've been together for 10 years and marriage was important to her whilst he wasn't bothered ("we've both said we'll stay with someone 'til death do us part before and it didn't work out, what's the point of doing it again") and I know that they're happy together. But it burst a balloon I had - I'm really not sure that my very nice man will ever want to get married (getting divorced would be a start) but I'd thought in my head that if I ever got married, I'd want to just sneak off and do it and tell everyone later. I can honestly say I've enjoyed very few weddings that I've been to, those of my closest friends have possibly been the worst and I'd not want to inflict that one anyone else. My family's very small so I'd really only tell my parents and sister, no one else. But now it feels like they've stolen my plan, even though it's not really a plan that is genuine, it's not one that I know I'll ever carry out. However, it was mine.
So I'm feeling rather grumpy this Sunday - and guilty about being grumpy - and also that the world is a lot more weird than I thought it was.
Never say never about the marriage thing! I didn't think my bf would ever come round and was gobsmacked when he did. He too had to recover from a bruising first marriage though.
ReplyDeleteAlso - I'm a civil servant too and it really annoys me that my whole career I've been told "Yes, you don't earn as much as in the private sector but you'll get a good pension to make up for it". And now it's "Greedy civil servant, why SHOULD you get a good pension, we're going to take that away". Thanks.
Yeah - second marriages..... In my case it's me who has been married before but strangely I'm the one who seems to want it. As it's early days, we've not really talked about it but Rich has mentioned a few times that he isn't averse to the idea (a while ago now that I think about it).
ReplyDeleteBut I think about it quite a lot.
I think I'd like to be in a marriage that was a true partnership compared to my first one. Get to "do it right" sort of thing.
Hey ho - early days and lots of time.
I hope your dreams come true.
Lesley x